


Fuck you too, Potter!

by skiiish367



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Author is sleep deprived too, Bullying, Draco is a cute cinnamon roll in disguise, Drarry, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Everyone lives until the author decides they don't, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Harry somewhat stalking draco...?, Hermione takes shit from no one, Hurt Harry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lucius Malfoy's A+ Parenting, M/M, Multi, Pining Draco Malfoy, Pining Harry Potter, Powerful Harry, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Ron Weasley is a Good Friend, Sleep deprived Draco, Wandless Magic, fangirl dumbledore, first two chapters are just fluff...real story starts after that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2018-10-07 02:17:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 26,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10350147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skiiish367/pseuds/skiiish367
Summary: Draco's usual Hogwarts routine was quite simple. Go to class. Eat. Talk to friends. Make fun of the 'holier than thou' gang. Stay awake all night. Rinse and repeat. Except nothing simple every lasts. But then again what was Draco to do? With Harry barging his way into his life again and again, he didn't really think he was given much of a choice.Follow them as they tretch upon this thin line of Love and Hate.Sorry terrible at Summaries! Story is better though. I hope. First two chapters are just fluff.





	1. Dumbledore, the Fangirl

Draco was an exceptional being. So he thought.  
   
   "Top in potions. Expert in dark magic. Fast learner in spells and magic. And extrodinarilly smart."  
    
   Everything about Draco was great except for a few 'tiny' issues.  
    
  "Hates and absolutely despises Harry Potter. The savior. And a malfoy. Which would include the slytherin part too."  
     
   There was nothing wrong with being a slytherin. Nothing really. They were sly and cunning, ahead of everything. They had the ability to get themselves out of practically every situation.  
    
   But that was exactly what shouldn't happen. And with Draco Malfoy as a part of their plan. It'd be incredibly difficult. ...  
 

\-----------------------------------------

Dumbledore was in a mess. He had to figure out how to execute his plan without it failing. And the most important fragment of this plan included Draco Malfoy. Lucius Malfoy's son.

  "So how do we get him to work with us?"

   Dumbledore rubbed his beard..in a stress like manner. And when the lightbulb finally turned on, his eyes twinkled with delight.  
    
   "Harry Potter," He says.  
    
   " _The_ Harry Potter?"  
    
   "Yes, _The_ Harry Potter will help get Draco Malfoy on our side!"

   The other looked unsure. Did Dumbledore really think this as a good idea??  
    
   "They...they hate each other!"

   "You know as they say, there is a thin line between love and hate~~"  
    
   "Love? Where did LOVE come into this!!??"  
     
   Dumbledore smiled yet again. And to the other, it almost looked a little creepy. As if he was finally having a dream come true.  
   
   "Harry Potter will make Draco Malfoy fall for him. And convince him to the light side."  
    
   "Again! They _HATE_ each other!! There is no _love_ in this!!! Even you said they hated each other!"  
    
   Dumbledore, however, pretends to not hear the others words at all. He puts his hands together in delight and spins around in his chair squeeling.  
    
   The other obviously creeped out, slowly got out of his chair and started to tiptoe his way back to the door.  
   
  But just as the other was about to leave, Dumbledore swings his arm around the others neck and pulls him back in.  
   
  "It's time for a celebration!!"

   "Why...why would we need a celebration??"

   Dumbledore took his arm of the other and grabbed the bottle of good ol' muggle beer that lay on the shelf.

   "For this obviously good plan, ofcourse."

   "ITS NOT A GOOD PLAN!!!!"  
   
  Dumbledore payed no heed go his words and proceeded to down the beer. Today was a day of celebration. Today was the day of victory. Today Drarry would finally become a cannon. TODAY HIS OTP WOULD FINALLY BECOME ONE!!  
   
  Dumbledore couldn't be happier.


	2. Poor Harry~

Harry flops down on his bed, and groans. 

"Kill me...K-I-LL MEEEEE. RON!!!"

"What happened buddy?"

Harry raises his head from bed and groans dramatically again.

"Kill me!"

"No"

He throws his hands up on frustration. 

"Why the bloody not??? You are supposed to help me!!! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A MY FRIEND!!! MY BEST FRIEND AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME!@***#&***@**!!!!!"

Ron sighs. This was one of Harry's dumb rants.

"Just get to the point harry. Don't act like you're on a manly period."

"MANLY PERIOD!?!! I'M NOT ON MY- wait....oh...I see."

Ron simply nods his head and sits on the bed.

"So...What happened?"

"Ihavetomakemalfoyfallinlovewithme," Harry mumbles.

"I'm sorry what??"

"I have to make....Malfoy fall in...love with me."

"Extremely sorry, but could you repeat that again?"

"Ron!!!!! I know you heard me!"

"Ok ok...but WHY???"

Harry pouts, and furrows his eyebrows.

"Cuz Dumbledore asked me..."

Ron looked a little confused. Harry was going to this just because Dumbledore asked him to?

"You do realize that you don't have to do everything that dumbledore asks you to do right??"

"I have to!"

"Harry, you don't have to."

"I have to do it!!! Ron! You don't understand!!!"

Ron shuffled a little, ending up beside harry and leaned against the back of the bed.  
    
"Ok ok...but why do you have to do it?"

"Cuz it involves Malfoy. For all you know he might be up to something. After all he's been acting a little strange. You know for the past few days he sneaks out after curfew and he drinks more water than before now!!" 

"Uhhh..harry?"

"He used to drink like 3 glasses during every meal, and now he only drinks 2! Only two and..and now he eats less too!! I know he's up to something!! And he visited promfrey just the night before! And...."  
    
This is when Ron Weasley realizes that Harry was obsessed with Malfoy, wheather he admitted to it or not. Before both him and Hermione had thought that Harry was just being paranoid, and making random assumptions on Malfoy. Now it seemed clear that Harry was obsessed. Not like a stalker obsessed, ok maybe a little bit like stalker but not too much.  
    
Ron wondered if Harry was even actually as upset as he acted. 

"Ron! Are you listening? Did you even hear anything I said??"

"Yes yes, I heard. Malfoy is up to something..again. Now why does Dumbledore want you to make Malfoy fall for you?"

"He says he needs Malfoy on our side, so he wants me to make draco fall in love with me so I'd convince him to join DA."

"Oh"

Harry sat up. "But I don't get why?!! Why me? Dumbledore could've chosen anyone! But he chose me!! And I HATE Malfoy!"

Ron looks at Harry with a little pity and pats his shoulder. He pulls out a chocolate frog from the dresser near his bed and gives it to Harry.

"Here, you'll feel better when you aren't hungry."

"Oh Ron....I'm always hungry."


	3. Sleep Deprived Draco

Draco was now only functioning on the pure wonder of coffee. This was the 4th day he hadn't slept at all. Not even a blink. The bags around his eyes were prominent and his friends yelling didn't help.

For some reason they seemed louder, and his head throbbed in a dull pain every time Pansy would shreak.

"Please Pansy...for the love of god. Shut-up!"

Pansy however was a stuck up prat. Like him. And a drama queen. Also like him.

"You're telling me to shut up!! NO ONE TELLS ME TO SHUT UP! My own mother doesn't tell me to shut up!!! YOU CANT TELL ME TO SHUT UP EITHER!!!"

Draco winced and this is when Blaise walked in for his rescue. Grabbing Pansy's robe he pulled her back and took her place next to Draco.

"Wats up?"

Draco looked confused. Was Blaise also going to end up like pansy? "The roof ofcourse...blaise. Why would you ask me that?"

Blaise facepalmed. "It's a muggle saying draco! It's like a short from of asking someone what they are doing..or how things are going."

"Oh,"

"Draco doesn't look to good!!" Pansy cut in. "He told me to shut up!!"

Draco winced again. "Blaise? I'm running on 3 cups of coffee and havnt slept in the last 4 days. Now I can feel Pansy talking. Please....kill me."

"Awwwww...you can feel me talking!!!" Draco groaned and looked at Blaise pleadingly. He sighed and patted Draco on the back.

"Maybe you should visit Pomphrey...ask her for a-"

"NO!" Draco cut in. "I've asked for it multiple times, and I don't want her to think I have some sort of a problem."

"Draco...you DO have a problem"

"Sod off, Zabini"

Pansy and Blaise chuckled. They dragged Draco to the great hall, and he sat on the edge of the table, Blaise beside him, followed by Pansy.

His food, was a simple plain green apple. Everyone else ate with their plate full. It's not that Draco ate any less, it's just his sleeping habits. They make him uneasy in the stomach causing him to lose his appetite. If it weren't for Pansy and Blaise, he probably wouldn't have eaten anything.

He let his gaze absently wander to the griffindore's table. His eyes went to the infamous Harry Potter. Normally Draco would have glared at his back, but this time he saw green. Potter was looking at him. Long before he looked at him. Draco sneered. Or at least tried to and turned away. He didn't fail to miss the others flustered look.

"Young master, young master!" Came a high pitched female voice. He turned around and saw Liddy. The house elf he'd grown familiar to. At night, or in the middle of the day, usually the mornings Draco would go to the kitchen, and sit there for a while. He'd sit there waiting for tea. Draco had hoped that the tea would keep him awake, and feel less tired. Ofcourse that wasn't the case. It only made matters worse.

Eventually he met Liddy. The one who had seen how devasted he looked....

**_"Do you want something young Master?" Draco looked up from the table and looked at the Liddi with tired eyes. There were black circles around his eyes drooped. The elf gasped._ **

**_Draco realized he must've forgotten to put the glamour charm on. Ughhh. "You look terrible Master!!"_ **

**_Draco rolled his eyes and glared at Liddi. The elf flinched slightly. "What are you staring at me for?" He spat. "If you want to help, you can bring me something to keep me awake. If you can't do that, then I suggest you leave."_ **

**_He expected the elf to scurry away in fear, and avoid him. Instead she had this twinkle in her eye. Almost like the one in the Dumbledore's eyes. She smiled a crooked smile and hurried towards the kitchen._ **

**_The elf returned after and watched amused as Draco slipped into sleep and back to reality his head falling onto his hand._ **

**_"Master! Liddi has brought something that might help!"Draco groaned and looked up. In here hand she held a small cup of dark, almost black water. Almost like tea, but not quite._ **

**_"What is that?," he asked._ **

**_"OH! This is what they call coffee!! It's muggle...but Master Dumbledore likes it lot!" Liddy said. "It's supposed to help keep one awake."_ **

....And that was how he met Liddi. He took the coffee from Liddi and almost smiled at her. Almost. There were no need for any exchange of thank you's. Liddi knew he appreciated it.

This coffee was what helped him survive the day. The smell plunged his nose, and he sighed with content. He took his first sip, and felt pure bliss. The bitterness was perfect along with the tint of sweetness, and it had this strange aftertaste. The crispness of it made his feel better. More whole. Pure bliss.

Blaise and Pansy stared at him strangely through the whole process. They exchanged curious looks and proceeded to tap Draco on the shoulder. "Draco...what is that?"

"Oh, its coffee!" Drake said delightedly. The sudden mood change was strange. "Bet you don't know what that is!"

Pansy looked offended. "Of course I know what that is! It's cuffee. We have that stuff all around my manor!" She raised her chin and smirked defiantly.

"Not cuffee...coffee."

"Yeah yeah...whatever! I know what it is!"

Blaise and Draco chuckled. "It's ok Pansy...maybe another day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know it's a short chapter and not all that good. I'll do better with the next one!


	4. Blamed

"Malfoy! You god damned feret!!! How  _dare_  you?!"

Draco turned around to the source of the voice and saw a frustrated looking and very much angry Harry Potter coming his way.

" _What_ _,_  Potter?," Draco drawled.

"Don't  _what_ me! You know exactly what!! You know what you did!"

Draco stared blankly at Potter, barely comprehending. His lack of sleep was catching up to him, and Potter's bloody yelling wasn't helping. He swallowed, feeling dry and raised his eyebrows, bringing back the cocky grin.   
  
"Oh yeah Potter? And what was that?"  
  
"You..you damned git. You... _you_  put those pictures around the school!  _You_  bloody gave em to the press!!"   
  
Draco furrowed his eyebrows. What was Potter talking about? Pictures? He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything his back was slammed against the wall and he gasped when his head gave a slight thud as it came in contact with the stone. Potter's hands were on either side of his head, making Draco feel smaller than he was, and a lot more vulnerable. Now Draco took to time to see the look on Potter's face.  
  
His glasses weren't there and his lips had moved to form a sneer. His eyes glinted a dangerous green and his hair was disheveled. And....he stared right at him. At  _him!_ Glared to be more specific and it felt as though his stare was drilling a hole in his head.   
  
Draco was  _not_  scared. Ok. Maybe he was a little scared, but it's not like he'd ever show that to anyone. Expessially not to the oh so great saviour. _'Cmon_ _Draco_ _. This is only_ _Potter_ _._ _Don't_ _break eye contact._ _Don't_ _sound like you're begging. And absolutely_ _don't_ _stutter!,'_ He thought, forcing his hands to stop trembling.   
  
" _Move_  Potter!"  
  
Potter boy growled. Actually growled, and seemed to only get closer. Their noses only a few inches apart. Draco only seemed to stare at his eyes. So green _._ So...so  _pretty._

_'What are you thinking, Draco?? No no no.. you_ _hate_ _potter. Hate. Hate. Hate,'_ Draco thought to himself, and gaining a bit of confidence. He straightened a little, standing only a few centimeters taller, lifted his chin up and put his hands on the 'Hero's' chest in an attempt to push him away. The only problem.... _.it wasn't working._

He tried again and again, still with no success. He felt his struggles get weaker and his arms trembling. Curse his arm strength. Time to resort back to words. It seemed to be the only weapon he got, and if he reached for his wand Potter would have caught him in no time. Quidditch reflexes.

"Sorry, perhaps you didn't catch that. Let me dumb it down for you a little.  _M_ _-o-v-e._  Potter!"  
  
"Oh, I heard what you said, but I don't plan of doing it anytime soon. I know it was you."  
  
"What did I even do?!!"  
  
Potter glare hardened. "You mean you have  _NO_  idea what you did?"  
  
"YES!!"  
  
"Don't lie to me!"  
  
And with that Potter backed away, and Draco sighed in relief. Although relief didn't last long. Potter's hand squeezed down on his wrist and pulled, making Draco stumble on his feet. He twisted and pulled, but his wrist was held in a wrenching grip. Draco scratched at it, when Potter pulled at it yet again and dragged him along.  
  
"Let go of me! POTTER! Unhand me this instant!"  
  
Potter however didn't respond to even a single one of his pleas and demands.   
  
And then Potter stopped infront of a Door.  
  
"You mean to tell me..." He started, before pushing Draco through the door, "...that  _this_  is not your work?"  
  
Draco was dazed. His head had once again, hit something, this time the door, and he stumbled to the ground when the door opened on him. His head was now pounding. As if swelling and then crunching back together again and again. One more hit, and draco didn't think he would make it.   
  
"Well, that wasn't very hero like now was it,  _Potter_ _?_ " A sneer covered his face and he turned around to insult the boy, but the words never came.   
  
Instead his eyes widened and he gasped.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry!! This chapter is even shorter than the previous one! Anyways, hope you like it, even though it's short.
> 
> Hehe~ I left it on a cliffhanger. It's not a very big one though. (@-@)


	5. What 'Right'?

Draco gaped. The sight infront before him...

"Oh Pansy," He croaked. There were pages upon pages stuck to the walls, some peeling off, and others scattered to the ground. 

On the pages there was the Weasley girl, with another girl. He'd seen the girl before, just never talked to her, nor did he ever bother to ever learn her name.

"H-how could you accuse me of...of  _this_!!"

Potter snarled. "I have every right to accuse you! You...foul loathed son of a  _Death eater_ _._ "

Draco stood abruptly from the ground and shoved a finger at Potter's chest. "Oh really, Potter?  _What_ right then?  _WHAT_ right do  _you_ have to accuse me? How could you even  _think_  that I would ever do something so...so  _revolting?_ "

He motioned to the pages stuck stuck to the walls, to the pictures of the two girls kissing. Holding hands. Touching. 

Draco may have not been the most nicest person in Hogwarts. He may have not liked the Weasley's or the bloody saviour and he may have wanted nothing more than to make their lives miserable, but never would he stoop so low. Never  _this_ low. He knew what such things could do to a person. He'd seen what it did to Pansy. It'd broken her.

During the 4th year, someone had given pictures of Pansy to the press. The pictures had spread like wildfire. They had called her a slut. They'd made video's, taken photos of Pansy in ways they shouldn't have. 

That year she confined herself inside the curtains of her bed. Nothing that Blaise or him said would bring her out. Her parents had refused to take her back during the summer. And why would they in the first place? To them she was the reason disgrace was bestowed upon the family name.

It had horrified him to see one of his only friends be so broken. To the point of where even meeting someone would send her into hysteria. So how could he? And how  _could_  Potter tell him that it was him? That he'd crush someone's life in such an ill manner?

Maybe, if it wasn't for what had happened to Pansy, he would've been the one to do it, but that wasn't the case. Two years ago, his best friend broke, and glued herself back together colder than ever. 

His parents would've probably been proud. Only  _if_ he'd been the one to do this. They would've praised him and maybe....just  _maybe_  his father would've shown a little pride in his son. They would've  _wanted_ him to do this. As long as it cause the Weasley's pain, it didn't matter how or what method was used.

But Draco was not his father. Not at all. Draco was Draco. Draco Malfoy. And Draco Malfoy would do no such thing.

\----------------------------- 

"Well than  _Malfo_ y, if it wasn't you, than who was it?" 

Harry gritted his teeth and continued to glare at the feret as though hoping it would peirce a hole through his head. 

Yes, Harry knew this was not helping with the assignment that he'd been given, but it seemed impossible to do it at the moment. 

He felt nothing but pure anger towards Malfoy. Harry knew that the boy infront of him would occasionally mess with his friends. Bully them. But this time, he'd gone to far. To the point of no return.

He knew it was Malfoy. He'd seen or well rather noticed as Malfoy would sneak out after curfew. The map, it would let him know exactly where someone was with the just words and the touch of a wand. 

"I-I don't know! All I know is that it  _wasn't_ me!"  
' _Damnit_ _Draco_ _,_ _don't_ _stutter!"_

"Don't bother lying. I know you were out after curfew yesterday! It only makes sense!"

Malfoy opened his mouth to speak but paused. His eyes narrowed and he looked at Harry with suspiciously. "Wait...how..how did you know..that _I_ was out after curfew last night?"

"Not just last night! The few nights be-." Harry paused abruptly, realizing his mistake. He looked up a little to see a sneer start to cover Malfoy's face. One of disgust and anger.

"So...you have been _stalking_  me!"

"I-I...I knew you were up to something so-"

"-so _you_  decided to  _stalk_  me!" Malfoy cut in. He sneered, and glared at Harry, just like he'd done to him before.

Harry on the other hand, shook his head frantically. His anger faltered and he seemed more flustered than enraged. "It's not what you think," he said raising his hands and moving them about to make Malfoy understand. "You don't understand!"

"Yeah, Potter? What is there to understand? Other than the fact that you've been  _stalking_ me!"

Harry groaned in frustration. "I wasn't stalking you for Merlin's sake!!"

"Really? Than how did you know that I've been out past curfew for the past  _few_  nights?"

"I just did!!! Ok?!"

Malfoy puts his hands on his hips and raises his chin up defiantly. "And how exactly did you just know that?"

"You're changing the subject!!" Harry declared.

"No, Potter. I'm afraid it's  _you_ who's changing the subject!"

Harry didn't reply, he didn't want to tell Malfoy about how he knew where he was. He couldn't trust Malfoy. He couldn't trust the son of a  _Death Eater._ Death Eaters killed his Sirius...

"What's wrong, Potter? Cat got your tongue?" Malfoy mocked. He felt his strength come back. This was where he was good at. Talking himself out of any situation, and how to change it to his benefit. 

Harry gritted his teeth. "It doesn't matter how I knew you were out after curfew. All I know is that you did  _this._ "

Malfoy mentally groaned. There was no changing Harry's mind. So be it. 

"And what if I did? Still doesn't change the fact that you stalked me. Fucking queer."

Wrong move.

Harry's head dropped and his face darkened. Hair fell like wisps over his face and anger radiated from him.

Malfoy could feel his hair standing on his back as Harry became more and more distant. Had he gone to far?

"You...so you..did this?" Harry said. His voice so low and threatening that it caused Malfoy to take a step back. It felt as if something heavy had been placed upon him, and he couldn't help but tremble.

"I-I thought we...already... established that fact," Malfoy lied stuttering on his words a little.

   ' _He's the one who did it. Malfoy was_ _the_ _one who did it..all...h-he ruined Ginny._  
_Malfoy deserves it._ _Harry_  ha _s the right to do this._ _It's_ _all his fault. All Malfoy's fault._  
_He_ _ruined_ _it...all._ _His_ _fault. His_   _fault_ _. All his_ _fault_ _\--_  
_H-he_ _...he should_ _just_ _\--he should just.._ ** _Die_** _.._ _'_

Harry saw red.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Muhahahaha! Another cliff hanger.
> 
> I made Harry so dark all of a sudden, but this chapter is longer than the previous ones so yeah! :D


	6. Sink

Harry felt himself sink. Into the dark. The void. And strangely enough, he  _liked_ it. 

This overwelming feeling of power, of desire. He  _wanted_ to hurt Malfoy, and now here he was. His lips spread to a grin and Harry let out a cackle. The pleasure it gave him to see Malfoy withering beneath him. Clawing at his neck in a futile attempt to breath. 

Harry let out a satisfied grunt, and stepped closer to the choking boy, and let his thumb brush across the other's cheek in what would seem like a caring manner, but of course Malfoy knew that wasn't the case. The carress was no show of affection, it was a warning. A warning that things were only going to get worse. 

"Po-Potter," the boy infront of him breathed out and something tugged on Harry. Again. He let it pull him deeper, and smiled when the magic's hold on Malfoy's neck tightened.

"Oh, look at you now,  _Malfoy_ _,_ " Harry heard himself say. His voice now more smooth, more confident. "How weak. How  _Pathetic_ ," He mocked.

Malfoy of the other hand was now turning blue, he tried gasping, and digged his nails in his neck in an attempt to release whatever it was that was suffocating him. 

"Po-Pote....pleas..e... _Ha-rry_ "

Harry's magic faltered for a moment. Hesitation? Harry didn't...hesitate? No.  _This_ Harry didn't hesitate. Not when he used 'Crucio' on Bellatrix. Not when he almost cursed Petter Pettigrew to oblivion when he'd killed Cedric. So why now? Why was he  _hesitating?_

Harry watched now with a staggered grin as Malfoy scratched at his neck with one hand, while the other curled slowly inside his robes.  _Wait...inside his...cloak._ That meant...

However, Harry's realization came in a little to late. Malfoy's eyes shut close, the hand inside his cloak closed together into a fist, and his lips moved as a soft quivering voice breathed out.

" _Fin..ite....incan-tatem_ "

\--------------------------------------

Draco lay on the floor panting, and gagging when the spell finally broke the hold on his neck. His neck now ached and stung with the scratching. Little bits of blood pooled up and ran down his neck in thick drops. It wasn't a grave wound, but it hurt.  _Hurt_ , like the rest of his body. The thick atmosphere was still there, making it difficult for him to breath even though there was nothing to choke him. So why? Why did it feel like he was sinking. Drowning. His movement slow as if he were moving in water. 

Draco was really in shock. He'd almost died. Almost suffocated to death and that too, by none other than the mighty chosen one. And it was miracle that he'd even managed to break the hold of the magic. 

His head was in a jumble. Potter. Potter of all people had tried to kill him. Intentionally. And where'd he learned such a dark spell? Draco knew it was dark. If it hadn't been so, the spell would've never broken. _Finite Incantatem_. A spell used to put a stop to simple, and small hexes. This however was no small hex. It was strong. Powerful. Meant to give the victim a torturous death. This spell, however had been broken. 

The secret?

His wand core. Unicorn hair. Designed specifically to resist dark magic, and Draco would've laughed at the irony of it, hadn't it been him choking to death a few moments prior. Unicorn's are meant to be pure, and beautiful creatures of the light side and here he was. All dark wizard and "death eater."

The air around his became heavier and he lifted his head off the ground to look at the very cause of it. Potter. A siege of fear and panic rushed towards him. He'd totally forgotten about Potter!! Who was standing right in front of him.  _'Stupid..stupid me. What gave me the bloody idea that I was safe?! Why am I so dumb!?!'_

Draco trembled a little, and goosebumps began to cover his body. He shakily got to his feet, feeling a little light headed and raised his wand in a defensive stance. If Potter even dared to bring his wand out, Draco would hex him.

Draco paused for a moment, when the realization dawned upon him. Why in Merlin would Potter put his wand away right after Draco had broken the suffocating spell? 

Draco opened his mouth to say something, to warn, and somehow threaten Potter into letting him go  _unharmed_ , but before he could do so...

"Expelliarmus!!" 

Draco's wand flew out of his hand, and now rested in the palm of his rival. Draco gaped and his eyes grew wide. 

How? No..no wand...Potter had no wand, so just how...

...impossible...

" _Wand-less_  magic," he whispered hoarsely. Too bad Potter heard him, and the other boy shook in realization. Whether Potter shook out of panic or anger, Draco did not know. However one thing was for certian. It was not out of fear. 

Draco took a step back and looked at Potter, with alarm.  _'He can do_ _wand - less_ _magic._ _Wand - less_ _!!'_

Of course Draco knew that Potter was powerful and must've has some sort of strong magic considering the face that he was the savior of the Wizarding world, and he  _did_ defect off the killing curse, however he had not expected wand - less magic.  _No one_ should be able to do that. Not even Dumbeldore himself, so how can Potter??

"Malfoy! Malfoy! Yo-you can't tell anyone! Alright...y-you can't!"

Draco raised his head up to look at Potter. Potter had changed, again. The once confident, smug Potter, now turned back into his clueless, and flustered self. The strong magic that had wavered smoothly around the air, now became uneven. It peaked up and went back down, cracking the windows, and shattering the chandeliers. The worst part? Draco could  _feel_  it. It was like he was surfacing above the water, only to have the tide pull him back down.

A gust of magic hit Draco's head and he stumbled back. His senses dulled, and Potter's panicked voice became distant in the background. Why didn't Draco feel afraid right now? Why didn't his heart thunder, and his breath quicken? 

Instead, he felt rather safe. Warm. Something he hadn't felt in a long while. Not since, Voldemort had moved into the manor. Not since he'd heard the screams of prisoners calling out to him. To help them. Not since all he'd done was watch. Watch as they trashed, shrieked in agony and begged for death. 

Potter's magic wrapped around him, and he found himself slowly being lulled to the bittersweet darkness. It was as though he was now completely submerged in the water. He'd taken the breath in, letting the water had filled his lungs, and now there was no struggle. No nothing. Only a moment of peace. 

Draco finally took the time to get out of his head and looked at the hazy figure of Potter, reaching out to him, saying something he couldn't hear. The magic tugged on him again, and this time Draco let himself go. His knees gave up on him, and before the ground came rushing in upon him, he let his eyes close. Falling deep into the abyss. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is! New update! Sorry for the delay. I had a lot of stuff going on. Anyways, I hope you like it! Be sure to review!


	7. Sorry or not?

Harry reached out to Malfoy as he saw the body fall, and land with a thud on the ground. He cringed when he heard the sickening crack of skull to stone. Harry did this. He was about to.... _'oh god'._..h-he'd tried to _kill_  Malfoy!

He tried to kill someone, again!!! And this time he'd almost gone through with it. Not that he didn't  _almost_  go through it the previous times, only this time he felt this sort of thrill. A terrible want. It was like an itch underneath his skin and when Harry scratched at it, he felt satisfied.  _Horribly_  satisfied.

Harry felt himself drop to his knees, and pull the limp body up in his arms, closer to his own self. Cold. So contradicting from his own. He was warm. Too warm, to the point where it burned. And the feeling of Malfoy's body to his felt better. Gave him a sense of the freshness, a break in this scorching heat. This madness. It made him feel almost... _nice_. 

He ran his hand through the other's hair, feeling the blood seep onto his fingers, tainting them in red. Harry's bottom lip quivered, and his hands shook when they brushed away from the blonde.

"Oh god...I-I'm sorry...I-I...Malfoy I'm-..i did..n't...mean t-to..I-please..I-I," he mumbled. Harry felt disgusted, scared. Guilty. Of himself. This is what he'd done. What he'd become. He'd turned void again and this time he..he almost  _k-killed_  Malfoy. 

Harry almost sobbed, but something choked him back, tugged at him yet again, and he felt his guts twist a little. Another pull on his thoughts and...

Wait. But Harry was  _not_  at fault...and he  _didn't_  kill Malfoy....so why was he feeling guilty. This was Malfoy. Harry, this is Draco Malfoy. He deserves this. There was no need for him to feel bad or say sorry. This was his long rival right here. His enemy and Harry should be glad. Glad. Like he'd first felt when he was first ordered his magic to hurt Draco. 

No. There was no need for guilt!! Malfoy had it coming. He's cruel, vile, and absolutely pathetic. To top it off, he's a death eater. Malfoy supports Voldemort, for Merlin's sake and after what he did to Ginny, he  _definitely_  deserved this!!

A strangled groan broke Harry out of his trance and he looked down to see Malfoy shutting his eyes tighter and snuggling more towards his body. He quickly broke away, and stood abruptly, pushing Malfoy away roughly. He looking down at the figure below him, as it whined and groaned even more. The blood, he could see now, was pooling up underneath his head, and staining Malfoy's dove white shirt into a rich, dark shade of crimson. Harry winced a little at the sight and cringed his nose in pity. 

' _I-I could...just leave him here..right? S-someone else will find him sooner or later...so it should be alright? He's not gonna die either way,_ ' he thought.

_' **You can't do that, Harry!! You did this! Take responsibility!'**_

_'B-but it's not like anyone will notice, I could just...besides he..he deserves it!! He is a Malfoy after all.'_

**_'No...no he doesn't. No one deserves that!'_ **

' _Ughhh...stop being all goody-two-shoes Harry!'_

"Oh..fuck it," he muttered, before scooping the boy up in his arms and dashing out of the room. Guess, he really did have a hero syndrome. He ignored the baffled looks he got from the other students around him. Some even offered to help him, in an attempt to get close to him and occasionally a few stranger hands would brush his shoulder or his arms. Harry merely shrugged them off and walked only faster from the growing crowd.

He knew they weren't really going to help Malfoy and neither did they want to. They only wished to get close to Harry. After all, he  _is_  the bloody savior of the wizarding world. AND he  _did_  fight Voldemort a multiple times and returned back alive each time, which as a matter of fact, is a great accomplishment, considering the fact that he's only 16. Moreover, he was pretty damn good looking, despite his hair being a birds nest.  _A sexy bird's nest._  He couldn't blame them for wanting  a piece of him. Not to be cocky, but you can't change the facts, now can you?

"You better be happy after this Malfoy," Harry muttered under his breath. "Doing this all for  _you_. Bloody damn you. Even though you don't deserve it."

Malfoy only responded by another stir of his head and groaning a little before snuggling closer into Harry's chest. Oh, if only Malfoy was awake and aware of what he was doing. He'd throw a fit. 

Harry could now feel the warm blood seeping through his shirt and clinging onto his body. A pang of guilt hit Harry again.

' _Ok...so maayybee..Draco did cross the line, but maybe it was a bit too much on my side as well,_ ' he reconsidered.

\------------------------------------------

Eventually, Harry did reach the infirmary. He walked with heavy feet and trembling arms towards the nearest empty bed, and placed Draco on the white sheets, waiting for them to be stained soon enough. Why the hell was everything white anyway? 

Harry took a look at the boy on the bed and stared for a moment. 

'It wasn't fair. No one,' his eyes wandered up to the pale face. '..No one so cruel and vile should be able to look so...so pure. Almost... _innocent_. Guess looks can be deceiving, eh?'

A groan pulled Harry out of his thoughts, and he stood up from the edge of the bed immediately.

"Promprey! Right...I need to get Madame Promprey.."

Harry turned around and only managed a step before something stopped him... _again_. A soft hand closed weakly around his wrist and he turned his head around only to see the frail body on the bed looking painfully up at him with wet, drowsy eyes.

"...s-tay...m-mother.... _stay_..," the voice croaked out. Malfoy's lips quivered, mouthing something Harry didn't hear, before closing his eyes again. Malfoy's body sagged a little, and the grip on his arm loosened but didn't let go.

Harry gazed down at the figure in worry. He plied the fingers off his wrist, shrugging the hand away and promptly ran out to find Madame Promprey.

' _Great_ ,' he thought. ' _now Malfoy's hallucinating too._ '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the new update! I know, Harry seems a little..no scratch that..VERY confused about his thoughts. That's because he sort of has two personalities. It'll make more sense later on in the story. And he's also as clueless as ever.  
> And I'm really sorry at how slow I'm writing this! I'll try to update the next chapter as soon as I can and hopefully make it longer!   
> Hope you like it! ヘ(￣ω￣ヘ)  
> Be sure to review! Reviews are always appreciated~


	8. Madame Pomfrey

_'_

Harry sat on the chair beside Malfoy, as Madame Pomfrey worked her magic on him. Oh, don't get him wrong. Harry would've left a long time ago, that is  _if_  he could.

No. He was  _not_  worried about Malfoy. Not at all! Madame Pomfrey had forced him to stay here until Malfoy woke up. Her reasoning, _'We need someone who would be able to manage and control Mr. Malfoy's panic and temper incase he wakes up. I think you'd be able to do just that. I have to deal with the other patients here._  
 _Call_ _out_ _for_ _me_ _when_ _he_ _wakes_ _up_.  _Alright_ _?_ _Don't_ _leave_ _him_. _Else_ _he'd_ _be_ _gone_ _even_ _before_ _you_ _even_ _know_ _it_ _.'_

Harry had tried to say otherwise, reason with her, but all his attempts came out futile.  _He_ would be able to manage Draco's tantrums?  _HE_ _?!_

Harry snorted and looked down at the sleeping figure with a frown.

"I don't think anybody would be able to handle you, Malfoy," he muttered. "Even if they tried."

Harry was, however, glad that Madame Pomfrey didn't ask him how it was that Malfoy came to be in such a pigiment. It seemed as though she already knew. 

Maybe, Harry should tell her about his " _changes_."

She could help right? Tell him how to deal with it..or tell him that it was only a curse and she could remove it...or maybe even better. But...what if it doesn't turn out that way? Would they send him to St. Mungos to be treated? Is he..is he going... _insane_?

Harry sighed and burried his head in his arms, resting them on the bed. Gods, even Hermione and Ron didn't know. Even though they'd promised to hide nothing. To trust each other...

_'_ _No_ _secrets_ _...,'_ _Hermione_ _said_ _._   
_'_ _No_ _secrets_ _,'_ _Harry_ _and_ _Ron_ _repeated_ _without_ _hesitation._ _It_ _was_ _a_ _promise...a_ _vow_ _._ _To_ _stick_ _together_ _no_ _matter_ _what_ _._ _To_ _be_ _friends_ _until_ _death_ _do_ _them_ _apart..._

Harry groaned, coming back from the memory. It was different back then and it's different  _now_. Harry was normal back then, and now he's fighting to hold onto the last threads of his humanity. He was so close...so  _close_ to becoming another murderer. To becoming like  _him_.

The blankets underneath him shifted and Harry raised his head to see Malfoy moving and squirming around in the bed. He took a closer look at the other's face and sighed. Malfoy was waking up.

\-------------------------------

Draco squinted when the blinded his eyes as he walked out of the dark and into the light. He shut his eyes again and turned snuggling deeper into what seemed like a pillow. It was an attempt to go back to sleep, but when had sleep ever been easy for him?

Draco groaned in frustration and turned yet again. When his final attempt failed as well, Draco sat up on the bed, pushed his head in his hands and shook. He wasn't sure whether it was just anger or frustration or straight out annoyance. Maybe it was all three. It was probably all three.

He'd slept. He's slept for merlin's sake, and now all he wanted was to go back to that bliss. He wanted it so bad. He'd gotten a taste and now nothing seemed to matter more than that.

_Why? Why couldn't he just..._

_'Humans have evolved to eat, sleep, and find shelter but here you are questioning your own sanity as to you aren't functioning properly, Draco. Come on! Isn't there an off switch for my brain? Why can't there be an off switch!?,' he thought._

And so Draco just sat there, with his head in his arms, trembling. Shallow breathing, tight chest, a racing heart, and feeling clammy. The same old routine. He was so...so tired. His body numb, and he felt strangely detached. It hurt.... _tired._

"Errrr...you ok there, Malfoy."

Draco yelped and jumped away from the voice. He broke out of his trance and looked at the source of the noise only to come face to face with Potter. His cheeks heated up, turning into a light shade of pink. Draco had just yelped.  _Yelped_. And that too infront of Potter!! 

Wait....Potter?...

Draco stared quizilly at the worried boy infront of him for a straight whole minute, before it finally clicked in. Memories came flooding back and Draco gasped when he realized that this was the same Potter that had tried to kill him minutes before. Minutes? No...but he'd just slept...why was he sleeping?? Rather  _how_  was he sleeping?

His eyes wandered over Potter's shoulder taking in the surrounding. This was the infirmary, but  _why?_

"Potter," he spoke to no one in paticular despite the fact that Potter himself was sitting beside him.

"Malfoy," the voice came back.

Draco faked a laugh and scratched his head, only to feel rough cloth rather than soft hair. He had questions.  _Lots_  of them. Like why was Draco here? Did Potter bring him here? But why would Potter bring him here? How had he falled asleep? Why did Potter try to kill him? Is he already dead though?? Oh he could go on forever, however, the questions, he decided, could be asked later. If ever.

"Haha...well...I'll just get going now. See you around, Potter. Actually on second thought, lets  _not_ meet. Think its better that way," he said while slowly inching up and out of the bed. "You never saw me whimpering pathetically and I never had the saviour of the world trying to kill me. Ok? ..yeah...good talk."

Draco, now with his bare feet pressed flatly on the ground, turned around to walk away, but felt himself being pulled back and landing on the bed.

\-----------------------------

"Omph- what the hell, Potter?! Was almost suffocating me to death not enough for you?!"

"Oh, shut up, Malfoy. I don't have any personal reason to keeping you here, and neither do I want to. I have to do this, else I'll be skinned alive....MADAME POMFREY!! MADAME POMFREY!!" Harry yelled still trying to keep Malfoy pinned onto the bed. "THE BRAT IS AWAKE!!"

"Who are you calling a brat?! And just what the hell are you thinking by calling Pomfrey!? You better let go of me this instant Potter or I'll-!"

Before Malfoy could complete his sentence, Harry placed his hand on top of Malfoy's mouth, muffling any sound that he was making. "Honestly Malfoy. Has anyone ever told you how utterly annoying you are??"

Harry heard another muffle of protest, and the body underneath his twisted again, in a futile attempt to get free. Malfoy glared at him and Harry let out a chuckle.

"You know, I think I like you better this way. Not being able to make those snarky comments of yours and all quiet. I think we could actually get along....ehh who am I kidding. We could  _never_ get along. We are on the opposite ands of the spectrum. Aren't we, Malfoy?"

Malfoy's movements halted for a moment and he continued. "You, the son of a death eater, and me the savior of the wizarding world, the one who is meant to keep death eaters like  _you_ , from endangering others."

Malfoy glared, and with a final force he pushed at Harry again, managing to throw off the grip. Harry staggered and Malfoy would have gotten away.  _Would have_ , if only he'd been faster.

"Where do you think you are going, mister?"

Malfoy froze and both him and Harry turned to look at the source of the noise.  _Madame_   _Pomfrey._ Harry sighed and sat back down on the chair letting the scene unviel before him.

"I...eerr...I have c-classes to get to. Yeah! I-I'm alright now..so I'll get going!"

"Oh no you don't. Get back on the bed, or I'll force you to and you do  _not_ want to test me, Draco. I will tie you down if I have to."

"B-but-"

"No buts Draco, I've already contacted Professor Snape and explained to him your  _situation._ "

Malfoy huffed and sat down on the bed with his arms crossed. Wait...what _situation_? What did Madame Pomfrey? Panic slowly crept across Harry's mind, and he unconsciously brought his hand up biting the dead skin and peeling it off slowly.  _Did Madame Promfrey know? What Harry had done?_

Madame Pomfrey who seemingly noticed turned to Harry and smiled. "I must thank you, Harry. You did a great job on keeping Draco calmed and controlled. I was right to leave you incharge."

"Calm?! Potter didn't keep me calm!!He practically forced me down on the bed, just like your doing right now!! I told you I'm fine."

"It is for your own good, Draco." 

At that Malfoy rolled his eyes and scoffed. "My own good, my arse," he muttered underneath his breath.

\----------------------------

Harry was confused, so very very confused. Why wasn't Madame Promfrey mad at him, anymore importantly why hadn't Draco said anything about what had happened earlier? This isn't what was supposed to happen. He was supposed to be in St. Mungos, perhaps even Azkaban. They were supposed to be shocked, and disgusted by him... _why isn't that happening right now?_  

Out of the corner of his eyes, Madame Pomfrey dragged a chair next to the bed and made Draco lay inside the safety of the covers. 

"So, Draco. Even though I already know what has happened, I'd like to hear it from you myself. How did this happen?"

_'She knew?_ How..How did she know?' Harry thought.

"Ok...so the stairs started to move, a-and I lost my balance and slipped thus m-making me fall down the stairs," Malfoy said with a shaky voice. Madame Pomfrey on the other sighed and waited in silence, as if expecting more from the injured boy infront of her. Draco groaned. "Ok..so  _maybe_ , I haven't been sleeping that well..and yeah."

"How many hours have you been sleeping?"

"Eight."

"Last night?"

"In the past 3 weeks."

"Draco!!" Madame Pomfrey gasped. "I knew it was bad, but I didn't think it was  _this_  bad! Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped!"

"I-I didn't want you to think that I have some sort of problem, which I don't!" Draco exasperated.

"Oh, Draco, but you _do_  have a problem. This is a severe case of insomnia, and it won't be solved simply by hoping and wishing it would go away. Eventually things like this are bound to happen and I'd hate to see you injured more from this. What if you'd lost conscious while you where out on your broom? You'd have more than just an injured head! You could die!!"

Malfoy winced at the words and looked down at his lap in what seemed to be shame. Harry almost laughed at the irony. Why was Malfoy ashamed? If anything, Harry should be ashamed, for letting the corners of his lips tug up into a barely noticeable smile. For feeling an overjoyed relief when he figured she didn't know the real answer. For knowing that he won't be caught unless Mafloy decided to open his mouth.  ** _That is if he opens his mouth._**

'No, that  _incident_  won't repeat itself again,' Harry decides. 'Not unless he doesn't get the dark mark. Then even Madame Promfrey herself wouldn't have a reason to stop me from snuffling the life out of Malfoy.'

\------------------------------

When Madame Promfrey demanded that he take sleeping potions every night, he'd blantly refused. 

"You have to take them, Draco!"

"I can't though!! I can't wake up using them and they make me feel really groggy afterwards and they taste like absolute filth.  _Filth,_   _Madame Pomfrey. Filth._ "

"I don't care, Draco. You have to do this, else I'll contact your father next."

Draco froze. The hairs on the back of his hair stood up at the mention of his father. He gulped and looked up at the motherly face. Oh, if only she knew, that his father wouldn't be mad about him not taking the potions, but rather having to rely on such weak things  _such_  as as potions. Slowly, he nodded, showing to her that he'd take them. Not really. He'd put up a front, like he'd done these past weeks, only a better one this time.

"Oh and Harry dear, can you make sure that Draco is actually  _taking_  the potions, and not just telling me that he is. I don't trust my patients words that easily." 

"NO! He can't!!," Malfoy said abruptly causing Madame Pomfrey to raise and eyebrow "I-I mean we hate each other!"

"Well then, you two can learn to  _not_  hate each other this way."

"B-But he..he-" Draco thought about telling Madame Pomfrey about the incident. He knew very well that she wouldn't believe him. Like how ever could  _the mightly saviour of the wizarding world_  ever bring harm to anyone? Oh, but only if the Potter fans knew about how dark their hero  _actually_  is. But Draco knew that no matter how much Madame Pomfrey thought he was lying, there is no way she'd send someone who has claimed to almost be killed with the declared killer. "He..He tried to-"

Draco had entended to say more, but he was cut off.

"I can do it, Madame Promfrey! I don't mind making sure that  _Draco_  drinks the potions. You have  _nothing_  to worry about! Besides I would  _love_  to get to know Draco better. It would hurt me deeply to see Draco more injured than he already is, even though we don't get along very well."

Draco gaped when he heard those words slip out of the boy's mouth. Potter merely turned to face him and smiled ' _innocently_ '. How was this spawn of the devil not in Slytherin yet?

Madame Pomfrey on the other hand beamed with delight and smiled sweetly at Potter. "Oh, I knew I could count on you. When did we ever find such a wonderful student like you?"

"Oh it's nothing too big," Harry replied, flicking his hair back from his face a little. "I'm sure  _Draco_  wouldn't have too much if a problem."

Draco grumbled and looked away. "Fine," he muttered with a slightly red face. 

"Oh good, now that that's over with, I'm going to have you drink this. You're going to stay here for today and get a nice long rest."

She handed him the vile and Draco cringed with the smell. He looked up hoping that Madame Pomfrey might take a little bit of pit on him, but she stood unshaken. Sighing, he closed his eyes, held his breath and downed the liquid in one gulp. It'd been a big mistake. Draco sputtered and gagged with the taste. 

\-------------------------------------

He'd asked for water which he'd been refused. The reason? Water components might mix in with the potion causing the effects to change and so he waited. Madame Pomfrey was long gone, amd the only person next to him was Potter.

Draco should be scared. He really should. His almost murderer to be was only a couple feet away from him and all he could do was watch with half-lidded eyes as he drifted between the boundaries sleep and awake. Maybe it was the potion. It was keeping him calm and relaxed but deep inside he knew it wasn't. It was different. Something was off. The atmosphere, the air, it all changed whenever Potter was around. It almost put him at  _ease_.

_'None the matter,'_  he thought.  _'Potter was probably bluffing about what he said to Pomfrey anyway...'_

Later, Draco would come to know how wrong he'd been, but for now he was being lulled into the darkness and the last thing Draco saw before he faded away was a smirking Potter, looking as though a predator would to a prey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...like I know this is like really late, but it's here now!!! New update!! I was trying to make my chapters longer, and have it make sense at the same time. I hope it makes sense.  
> And yes, I know no living human being in capable of staying awake for 3 weeks, but meh. This is a fan-fiction so it don't think it has to be acurate. The longest somebody has gone is like 17 days...I think.   
> Anyways, I hope you like it!! I'll try to update the next chapter as soon as possible! Until next time~


	9. Defying

Draco took his spot at the Slytherin table. Blaise to his left and Pansy infront of him. He felt horrible. There was a queasy feeling in his stomach, and his head throbbed. Draco knew he should be taking the potions that Pomfrey was giving him, but he just couldn't being himself to. He was afraid. To let himself fall into the oblivion of dreaming. If he slept, Draco feared he might never want to wake up again and he'll fall back into that place again. Draco shivered and slowly crawled out of his thoughts as Pansy's voice came into view.

"Mornin' Draco! Sleep well?" Draco looked up to see Pansy with a huge smile plastered on her face. "Well you know cause' I slept pretty well!"

"Hmm.." 

"Seems to me like you got shagged," Blaise cut in.

"Maybe," Pansy said while putting her finger to her lips and then winking. "But I never kiss and tell. Just not my style."

Blaise huffed. "Oh come off it, Pansy. Who was it? Goyle? Crabbe?"

Pansy made a face and cringed. "Ewww! gods no! That's disgusting!! That'd be like kissing a frog that got jinxed and was covered with slimy blistered that were oozing with green and yellow puss."

"Who was it?"

"I don't kiss and tell, Blaise! I like to think I'm a true gentleman."

"Keep dreaming, princess."

Pansy gasped and pouted before reaching over the table to grab 2 pancakes and proceeded to drown them in syrup. 

"You might as well just drink the syrup for breakfast." Draco said. Pansy only grinned in response. She frowned when she looked down at the empty plate before him. 

"Draco..."

Draco rolled his eyes and reached for the apple and took a bite out of it, chewing slowly, feeling sick as the food slipped down throat.

"Quit frowning will you? You'll get wrinkles," he muttered glaring at her a little. Pansy smiled and nodded before leaving Draco to drift back into his own world of thoughts.

\--------------------------------

"Mate, is it just me or is Malfoy feeling more off than usual."

"What do you mean, Ron?"

Ron places his hands on the table making his plate clatter a little, and looked at Harry dramatically. "I mean, have you seen him?! He didn't even pull his ugly sneer of his when we crossed. I even called him a ferret when he walked by...didn't stop even once. It's like he wasn't fazed at all!! The most he did was brush against my clothing and mutter a weak grunt."

"Isn't that a....good thing?"

"No!! Harry, it's as if he's ignoring us!  _Mocking_ us!" he said in a hushed yell.

Harry looked over Ron's shoulder and to the slytherin table. Malfoy was looking glumly down at the apple down in his hand. Harry frowned and turned to Ron. "Yeah...I see it too...but...lets not waste our time talking about Malfoy. He's not worth it."

"You're right. Oh and by the way, where is Hermione?"

Harry looked at the empty seat beside him and shrugged. She was probably with Ginny, trying to get her to come outside and eat breakfast here. Ofcourse, Harry knew that wouldn't happen. There was no way Ginny was going to come out of the dorms anytime soon. Their headmistress had agreed to give Ginny some time as long as she did the work and studying that she could do while being confined into the protection of her room. 

"She's probably trying to talk Ginny into coming here. I'll tell her to give Ginny some space."

Ron frowned and nodded. "I swear, when I find who did it, I'll beat em' to a pulp! I'll bring justice to Ginny! I swear I'll make em pay!"

Harry chuckled slightly and patted Ron on the back. "Ok ok, Mister Justice, eat your chicken first, and then we can think about beating people up."

"Hmm-mm," Ron mumbles with the chicken already stuffed in his mouth. The fork in his hand stabs another peice in his plate and stuffs it down. His cheeks puffed up like that of a chipmunk, and he smiled cheekily.

"Slow down, will ya?"

"Slright...nmharry....breamfast siis..bout to hmmn endm...so I've mmto mm eat fast."

Ron said joyfully chewing his food, but freezing when a shadow gloomed over him. He gulped, taking the food down in one bite and looked up with a wavering smile.

"H-hey, Hermi-" Ron tried to say, before a hand came down and smacked him right on top of the head.

"Ron! What have I told you about eating slowly!! AND  _CHEWING_!! ACTUALLY CHEWING?! You could've choked, and Harry being the dumb Harry he is, wouldn't even know how to unchoke you!!"

Ron's cheeks dusted with light pink and Harry laughed. "Unchoked..how classical 'Mione."

Hermione furrowed her eyebrows and pouted at Harry, which in a way was cute, like Malfoy. Wait. No...Harry. Malfoy's not cute _._... _i_ _s_ _he_ _?_

Harry looked back over at the Slytherin table to get a glimpse of Malfoy. The blonde was staring down at his apple, looking quite peaceful, and rather  _cute_ _?_

The blonde looked up a little, taking note of the people around him. His expressions softening, and bare of his usual defenses... _I_ _guess_ _it's_ _kinda_ _cut_ - _..._ That's when Malfoy turned around, and grey met green. Harry flushed and the other boy's lip curved up, nostrils flared and sneered. Harry wipped his head around almost instantly and looked down at his half eaten plate.  _Not_ _cute_ _!_  Not cute! _Definitely_   _not_   _cut_ _e!_

"Hey mate, why are you all red? Oooh, were you looking at Cho Chang again?" Ron asked, before giving the sly smirk of his and looking eerily towards the table where Cho sat.

 _As_ _if_ _._ How could he even dare to think about getting together with the girl that used to be Cedric's girlfriend whom had died  _because_  of him. Not to mention, Harry truly had no interest in her. Yes, she was kind, and sweet, but she just didn't have that exitement to it. That spark. He wanted someone who could match him. Someone who didn't like him because of his title. Someone who'd scold him, get angry at him, and be willing to give up everything for him. He needed a person who would challenge him every step up the way, without relenting. Someone who wouldn't be  _afraid_ of him. Unfortunatly, no such person existed. Atleast, none that he knew of yet.

Harry looked back at the Slytherin table and this time took his time to actually look at the distinct features on the the blonde's face. Malfoy looked rather horrible compared to his usual self. His eyelids drooped, hair unkept bare of it'd usual gel and even though Harry couldn't see the bags underneath his eyes, he could  _feel_ the magic being used to cover them up. It felt delicate, fragile, weak but ready to snap back at anything that threatened it. It was controlled, hidden behind a thin layer of ice ready to drag the victim down into the cold, murkey water that lay below.

Harry sighed and took in a deep breath, going over his decision one last time. He'd made his mind. He was going to get Malfoy to sleep, whether the blonde liked it or not.

He stood up abruply pushing his plate away in the process, and made his way towards the Slytherin's table, ignoring his friends concerned cries, and the strange looks being thrown his way. No, Harry did not like Malfoy. Infact he loathed him more than anything, but Harry had made a promise to Madame Pomfrey. He'd told her that he's make sure Malfoy took his potions, and that he slept properly. And Harry always kept true to his word, even if it was half heartedly said.

\-----------------------

Draco groaned with his head embedded inbetween his arms. He would close his eyes every now and then hoping to catch even the tiniest glimpse of sleep, only to open them again a few moments later when the fear would come reeling in again and again  _and again._

Pansy tapped his shoulder, and motioned for him to get up. Breakfast was probabaly over. This was the time him, Blaise, and Pansy went out to play quiditch, or rather a modified version of it, consisting of only 3 players. Today was class free. At hogwards, there are 5 days with classes, and 2 without. He thanked merlin for these breaks. Without them Draco wasn't sure he'd survive.

He rose from his seat, and turned to follow his two friends, before a hand clasped onto his wrist and pulled on him to follow. A few gasps gave away around him, and Draco turned around to greet the source of the foreign hand.  _Potter_ _._

"W-what do you need, P-potter?" Damnit. He needed to get a hold of himself. He was stuttering and Malfoys'  _don't_ stutter! 

"You haven't been taking your potions," Potter said flatly not breaking eye contact with the blonde. 

Draco looked up confused. Why would Potter care if he didn't take them? And how was it that he knew? Draco was sure he'd put on concealing beauty charms and everything. Was it is body posture, or the lack of excitement that gave it away? He straightened his back and lifted his chin up. Ok Draco, you've got this. Just don't stutter.

"Let go, Potter."

"No.

"Potter..."

"Lets talk."

"Lets  _not._ "

Potter sighed and for the second time this week proceeded to drag Draco out of the great hall. During times like these are when Draco regrets most of the decisions he makes. Like forgetting his wand in his room. Definetly forgetting his wand in his room. That was the biggest mistake out of all.

"Potter!! You let go of me this instant! POTTER!!" Draco yelled as his feet were forced forward away from the table and towards the exit and Potter would've succeeded in his attempt of kidnapping Draco if it weren't for Pansy and Blaise that stood in his way. Oh, lord bless these two heavenly being that have decended from heaven...No...scratch that...They were demons.

"Where exactly do you think you're going with our slytherin prince." 

Draco twitched at that, and glared at Pansy who looked at him grinning from ear to ear. She placed a hand on her hip and let her weight go down on one leg, before turning back to Potter with a demanding look. 

"He's not a prince, and I need him for reasons that do not concern you. Now,  _move_."

Pansy gasped at that, putting a hand up to her heart dramatically, and her mouth opening in shock. "He told me to move!  _Blaise!!_  He told me to move! No one tells me to move!! My own MOTHER doesn't tell me to move! How dare  _Potter_  tell me to move?!"

Draco face palmed and sent Blaise a pleading look, who in return starts to defend Pansy with his 'That's right, Potter. You can't tell her to move!'

Draco places his head in his head and shook. Bloody idiots! Why couldn't they just focus on getting him out and away from Potter's hold? His friends were idiots. They really were. And it was during times like these, he wondered why he'd even become friends with them in the first place. Merlin, give them a brain.  _Please._

Potter on the other hand rolled his eyes, and gave them a bored look. "Look, I don't care. I just need to put a few things straight, and do not worry nothing will happen to your precious little prince. I'll return him in one piece.  _Promise_." 

Draco gaped. "I am not  _little_!!" He yelled, trying to defend himself, but the other three ignored him, not even giving him the slightest of glance.

"No. You see, we don't like sharing and besides why should we just hand him over to you? You think us as weak, Potter?"

"Listen here, Parkinson. I'm in no mood for your horseplay, so I suggest you get out of my way, before-"

"Before what, Potter? Didn't you hear? She said  _no_ ," Blaise cut in. Finally. They were getting somewhere and Draco figured he'd do something to help his situation as well.

He twisted the captured hand and tried to pull it out of the death grip that Potter had graciously bestowed upon him. When failing to do so, he scratched at the other's hand, pinched it, even dug his nails in the flesh hard enough to see the red starting to pool up in little drops. Potter, on the other hand only tightened his hold, and continued to argue with Pansy as though Draco hadn't fazed him one bit.

When all else failed he grabbed the other's hand and pulled, trying to get the hand away, but it didn't budge. Was Draco trully this weak? Had his father been here to witness this, he'd have been fed to the wolves.

Draco groaned and tried to pull away again. He could feel the croud growing around them, and every now and then a wave of nausea would hit Draco ceasing all his movement for a few moments. 

He was getting nowhere with this. Potter wasn't going to give up and the two idiots wouldn't be of any help. The whispering has increased, now turning into soft murmers. If this kept up, he would lose his reputation. He could already feel the leering looks being given to him from the slytherin table. He sighed and made up his mind.  _Let's go have a talk with, Potter._

Frowning he tugged on Potter's sleeve ready to tell him to lead the way, but paused when something caught his eye. 

 _'.._ not...tell _lies_ _?'_ Draco pulled the sleeve up gently. Draco looks closer down at the hand, and sees the words  _'_ _I_ _must_ _not_ _tell_ _lies_ '. His breath hitched and he softly traced the words with the soft of his thumb. Potter would do this? It had to be. No one else had a writting as sloppy as him.

"Potter...what is this?" He found himself asking. This was it. His advantage. His ticket away from Potter once and for all.

The boy infront of him froze. His skin turned a deadly pale, as the blood rushed away from his face. The moment of shock didn't last lont as a wild look overcomed Potter. His eyes became feral, and the boy snarled, baring his teeth ready to attack and strike. 

What an  _animal_ _._

Pansy and Blaise jumped away, and their hands moved towards their wands.  _'_ _How_ _foolish_ _,'_ Draco thought. It's not as if backing away would stop Potter. 

Draco didn't flinch however, and seemingly stared at the words, letting his thumb slowly drift over the words brushing them slowly. This was it. This was his advantage and oh, he planned to use ever bit of it.

"Really Potter, I always knew you were a little cracked here and there, didn't expect you to be completely broken." Draco grins and looks up at the storming cloud before him. "Such a shame though. It looks like the all so mighty saviour might not be strong enough to protect us all. Let alone himself." Draco paused for a moment, letting himself think of the right words. "How... _unfortunate_."

The boy infront of him growled. His eyes darkened and Draco's hand now went limp as the hold tightened yet again, crushing his wrist. The pain however was long forgotten, and now left with a bitter aftertaste. His hand tingled, slowly turning numb. 

" _Shut_ _up_ _,_ _Malfoy_ _."_

"Why, Potter? Afraid what I said might be true?"

Potter growled and clenched his open hand into a fist. His jaw tightened and he shook. ' _C'mon_ _Potter_ _,_ _Break_ _for_ _me_ _._ '

"Shut up!" Potter spoke through gritted teeth, and Draco merely smiled. Draco's fingers reached up to touch Potter's face but never reached. Instead they stopped mockingly when Potter unconciously leaned in to the touch. Draco let out a small chuckle.

"How pathetic."

Something broke within the other boy, and Draco knew he'd gone too far. He knew it was coming. The air had gotten unbearably thicker, making Draco's breathing short and hard. And yet the smiled remained, plastered onto his face.

' _Shit_ ,' was all Draco could think of as a fist came flying into view throwing him back into oblivion.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for this really really late update! I've been busy with other things and it took me a while to write this one. I'll try to update the next chapter soon. Well anyways, how you guys enjoy it! Tell me what you guys think, and feel free to leave any critics. They are highly appreciated. ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ


	10. Panic Attack

When Draco woke up, he was no longer laying sprawled across the cold floor of the great hall. No, instead he found himself with his head embedded into silk white pillows and tangled between red sheets. Groaning, he threw his head to the other side, closing his eyes again, and curling deeper into the blankets. Draco shut his eyes even tighter and waited.

' _Any_ _minute_ _now_ _._ _C'mon_ _Draco_ _._ _You've_ _got_ _this_ _..._ _just_ _sleep_ _._ _Count_ _._ _Ten_ _._ _Nine_ _._ _Eight_ _._ _Seven_ _._ _Six_ _._ _Five_ _._ _Four_ _._ _Three_ _._ _T-wait_ _. Do I need_ _to_ _go_ _to_ _the_ _bathroom_ _?...._ _no_ _no_ _I_ _don't_ _!!_ _Draco_ _sleep_ _!_ _Stop_ _thinking_ _!!!'_

Draco groaned again in frustration and turned onto his head and stuffed his head into the pillow letting out a small scream of anger.

"Trouble going back to sleep, Malfoy?"

Draco shot up when he heard the voice. He knew it all to well, and yet it seemed somewhat different. The sheets slipped slights off his shoulders and Draco let out an involuntary shiver. 

"What's wrong, Malfoy? Did I scare you?" The voice came again. Not angry, more teasing. Almost  _mocking_ _._  
Draco whipped his head around to look at Potter. Potter stood tall, a smirk painting his face and leaning on  the table next to the bed. 

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"What do you mean, Malfoy?"

"Cut the crap, Potter! Just answer the fucking question!"

Potter let out a gasp and put his hands over his chest mockingly. "Oh my, such vulgur language and that too from a noble pure blood. Tsk. Tsk."

"If you aren't going to answer my question then just leave, Potter! I do not need to be blessed with your oh so holy presence!" Draco snarled. 

Potter on the other hand..well...lets just say he grinned even more,  _if_ that was even possible. "Now, my dear Malfoy, why would I do that? This is  _my_ room afterall."

Suddenly itall made sense. The thin red sheets, coated with a golden boarder. The lion carved onto the top of all 4 bedposts. How had he not seen this before?! He looked down at his lap and shifted slightly so that his feet almost hung off the edge of the bed,  _away_ from Potter. 

"I-I..how d-did I get-," he stammered.  _'_ _Damnit_ _Draco_ _!_ _What_ _did_ _I_ _say_ _about_ _stuttering_ _!_ _No_ _stuttering_ _!_ _Expessially_ _not_ _infront_ _of_ _Potter_ _!'_

He took in a deel breath, trying to shake the tiredness out of him, and then started again. "Well then, Potter. I'll just remove myself from your presence. You keep doing what you were doing." He stood, making his way to the door with his bare feet. Right now, there was no use asking question like 'how he got here?' Or rather ' _why_ he was here'. If Potter could could knock him out and then carry him all the way to his room without a care about the teachers that may have witnessed the scene, he doubted that Potter would let him go to easily. Turning, he dragged his feet towards the door and twisted the doornob ready to sprint the second the door opened.

A moment.

"What the actual  _fuck_ , Potter!?"

Potter shrugged. "What?"

"Don't  _what_ me!! You locked the damned door!!!!" Draco yelled, twisting and pulling on the knob frantically in an attempt to escape. 

"That won't work you know. Why don't you go sit back down on the bed and we can have a little  _talk_?" Potter spoke slowly walking closer to Draco as though he were hunting. Draco gulped, swallowing the spit that piled up in his mouth. Its wasn't a question, more of an order. Gave him a choice though. Either do what Potter told him to do and be in a somewhat ok situation, or resist and regret it. And Draco knew what he should do. He was slytherin. He looked for his advantage and gain. But of course, Draco wouldn't let Potter completely boss him around.

"Don't bloody tell me what to do!! I'll do whatever I want to do!" He snapped, narrowing his eyes and glaring at the raven. Potter on the other hand, only smiled.

Draco turned again and returned his attention back to the door. Looking around, he grabbed the decorative metal lion that was placed on the stand beside the bed. He raised the heavy object and dropped it down on the door knob, hoping the break it.  _Fail_ _._ He tried again...and again...and again and  _nothing_ _._  Taking in a deep breath he turned around to place the lion back on the stand. Only he threw it instead, letting it fall and clatter onto the floor. 

Slowly he made his way to the bed and crawled onto it, keeping a foot off the mattress. "Just so you know, this is kidnapping! This is completely illegal and...I-I'll tell!"

A chuckled emerged from the other boy, ss he crept closer, causing Draco to shift back onto the bed further away from Saint Potter. 

"Aww, don't look so scared, Malfoy. I'm not going to hurt you."

Draco flushed a little at hearing his name, and glared. "Nice to hear that out of the man that almost  _murdered_ me and few days prior.  _Gee_ , I wonder what changed?"

Potter frowned at that. "You deserved it, Malfoy."

"I-I  _deserved_  it?!" Draco gaped. "And for what exactly? What the hell did I deserve to _die_?"

"Oh, don't be such a drama queen Draco, you didn't die."

"But I would've had it not been for  _me_  stopping the spell! Don't try to act innocent here!"

Potter scowled irritated. "You are the one acting innocent! You ruined Ginny!"

"Again about that dumb weaslette! I didn't do it! Why do you always assume that all the evil done in this school must be tainted with my hands?!"

"And how do you suppose I believe you?"

"I-I don't...just..I didn't," Draco stammered looking down at his lap.

"You expect me to trust you?!" Potter let out a cruel chuckle, and it made Draco's intestines twist. He knew what was coming next. He was expecting it, and yet he didn't know why he still let it get to him. "You, a  _death_ _eater_ _?_  A pathetic, little cockroach that runs to his daddy like a damned coward?"

"I'm not...a death eater," he mumbled.

"Oh? And you aren't going to become one? Not going to follow behind your father's steps and become a mindless slave to that lord of yours? Voldemort."

Draco flinched at the name, and glared. He tried not to show his hurt, his disgust in knowing that Potter was right. Knowing that he would  _have_ to join voldemort sooner or later. Not that he didn't have a choice. Oh, he had a choice. It was to join or to not join. But then again, what would Potter know about that? What the hell would Potter know what position he was in?! After all, it was the oh so good Gryffindors and the evil, slimy Slytherins. 

Draco felt a surge of anger, frustration rush through him. What do they know? What have they ever known?! Sure, they blame him for being prejudice, moving racist views, but how little they realized that they were just the same as him. They were cruel, mean, mocking, like him. Beat him up, just as much as he beat them up, so how dare they? How dare they put all the blame on him, as though it were all his fault.

Perhaps it was easier for them. To overlook their own evil, with the evil of others, and a part of Draco wanted to laugh. He wanted to laugh, make everything a little bit more maddening. Wanted to rip his hair out, tear at his skin, just to make them understand. To make them feel what he was. Anxiety. Fear. Agony. Pure terror and helplessness. But they'd never understand. Draco had understood that a long time ago. All those sleepless nights were wasted with his thoughts. And even after all that time, Draco had found nothing. No way out. No way in. He was stuck in the middle. Not good enough to be a part of the light side and Not evil enough to snuff the life out of hundreds of innocent souls. 

Draco threw his head back, onto the bed, ignoring Potter's frantic words. His gaze shifted to the ceiling. It was white, simple, plain, nothing to taint it of it's bareness. Draco wished he could go back to those days. When he was bare, young, and free. Longing to be back into the days where it were just his mother and him. His mother wearing a white sundress, adorned with a tawny hat, holding his hand as they walked through the bare woods, and sooner or later Draco would jump at strange noises that would pop out from the darkness. That's when she's smile at him, and ruffle his hair, telling him it was alright. That the darkness wouldn't hurt him. That it  _couldn't_  hurt him. And Draco felt safe there, but then reality would come sinking back in. Reminding him that those days were only an illusion. A torture. Showing him the things that he could never have again. Back again, he took his mother's love for granted. Took everything as though it would never leave. His perfect little fairytale. 

His dreams, were of that perfect fairytale. And as the days went by, Draco wished he'd never wake up, because overtime his eyes would open all he ever felt was utter dread. He'd be dragged back into this cruel world of his, and spend his hours trying not to break there and then. Trying not to panic. To not to curl up and hide away in the corner, in hopes that his arms could somehow protect him. 

Why didn't Potter just understand?  _Why did no one ever understand?_

His palms started to sweat, and he rubbed his fingers together feeling the dampness. He placed his fingers together mending them. Glued,  stuck, and then he'd pull at them. Ripping them apart and then repeating the process. Like there were two people inside of him, both yelling at him, blaming him for all that was happening. A part of him telling him to confess everything, to give it a try. To try to get the help he needs and desperately wants. That it was his own fault that this was happening, and he best to something about it. The other, telling him doesn't matter. Telling him that nothing he does would change a nothing. No one to believe him, and none to stoop low enough to help a person with the likes of him. Again his own fault. His own actions and behaviour that bought and place him here.

" _P-Please_ ," Draco found himself saying, hands trembling, eyes stinging,  threatening to let free the river of tears that he'd pooled up in there, and breathing heavy.

On the side, Potter must've stopped his rambling, because he couldn't hear the muffled voices anymore. His vision shook, and an unimpressed face came before him asking him what he was on about now. His body felt numb, knowing that Potter must've thought of this as another act of him. The tingling sensation took over, half putting his body at ease, while his brain screamed. Begging to let him out. His eyes searched around the room the room, desperate to look at something other than the raven's disappointing face. He'd done something wrong again. Messed up this fairytale even more, making everything worse. He felt judged. Felt like a failure...at everything. Like he couldn't do a damn thing right. 

" _I-I can't..I_ ," he trembled out, trying to form the words. Trying to call out for help, at the same time, telling Potter that he didn't want to take the potion. That he didn't want to fall asleep 

"Typical." And Draco felt his heart drop. "Honestly, Malfoy, I knew you were a drama queen, but do you really have to do this?" 

"I'll be going, and when I come back you better have all your shit together. It honestly isn't this hard to have to take a stupid damned potion, and go to sleep. I'm starting to think your doing this to just get attention. I'm living the potion by the bedside, so take it. I have better things to do then waste my time,  _dealing_  with this." Potter spoke. The words sounding so cruel to Draco's ears. Full of malice. 

Draco knew that wasn't the case, but he couldn't help his thoughts as they grew more and more sadistic with every passing second. Had Potter known that Draco wasn't faking, he probably would've helped, wouldn't have said those words. That hero syndrome of his would've taken over....or maybe. Maybe he would've been even worse. Telling him that this is what Draco deserved. And maybe Potter was correct. Maybe he did deserve all this. He deserved this.... _he really did._

As soon as Draco heard the door click shut, and the footsteps fade out into the distance, he turned. He pulled his knees closer to his chest, and let out a chocked sob, and the first tear broke through, the rest following along in an unbroken stream. He could feel his heartbeat speeding up, pounding in his ears, threatening to burst right out of his chest. He felt so small, yet so big. Lungs burned as they reached their maximum capacity, and forced themselves to stay there-and the tension hurt. The gagging feeling fills his thought, and Draco just sobs louder, wrapping his arms tighter around his fragile self, whispering and telling himself to stop shaking, only to find him shaking even more. 

Fingers trembling he reached for the vile that lay forgotten on the table top. Popping the top open, he tried pouring the potion down his throat. He felt the liquid dribbling down his chin, wetting his shirt, as vile slipped from his fingers a little, missing his mouth. He swallowed the little bit that had found it's way into his mouth, feeling the groggy taste enveloping his tongue. 

Dropping the Vile onto the floor, he fell back onto the bed, desperate to make this feeling stop, and all Draco did was cry even harder. He felt suffocated. The tension increasing, and he felt himself slowly sinking deeper into the pool of tar. And he struggled and struggled to get out, in no vain. It only made him sink faster. His mind moving too fast, flooding with absolute terror. The weight on his heart increased, and it felt as though everything was closing down on him. He wanted out!! OUT!! Needed to get out, and he couldn't. He was stuck, not able to do a damn thing. 

It seemed endless. The pain, the fear. This...this endless loop of despair, and utter dreadfulness. He felt weak, vulnerable, and so exposed. The crying faded to a soft throbbing in his head, and the shaking reduced as the potion began to kick in. Eventually Draco found himself laying limp in the bed. Face wet with angry tears. Eyes red and swollen. And his whole body numb. He had gone through the agony, and  now he was laying in hell. The panic attack had done it's worst, but the after affects were seen worse. It made I'm feel lost, devoid. Empty. With no real reason to want to continue. No, Draco didn't want to die, it was just the frustration and the anxiety Nothing else. He didn't want to die. He didn't... _he_ _didn't_.

\----------------------------------------------

When Harry retuned to the room, he found the body of Draco Malfoy sleeping softly in his bed. He looked over to the night stand, and found the vial missing. Looking down, he found it shattered to pieces on the ground. Sighing softly, he cast a soft  _scourgify_. 

Harry walked over to Malfoy's side of the bed, and pulled the sheets over the boy, but stopped when he saw the tracks trailing down Malfoy's cheek. Harry bit his lip, feeling a little guilty when he remembered the words he'd said to Malfoy. Maybe...just maybe Malfoy hadn't been faking it. But such a strong reaction only to having to take a potion to fall asleep seemed like a little too much. Even to Harry. Harry understood that not wanting to go to sleep. 

He'd suffered through nightmares, and still does. The death of his loved ones haunting his every dream, but never did he have reaction this bad. Well, not unless he's just witnessed a vision or a scene through the eyes of Voldemort, but Malfoy didn't have to deal with that. So why would Malfoy react in such a way. And that made it all the more less believable. He looked down at the sleeping figure and ran his hand through the other's hair.

"The more I think I know you, the more baffled I become. What is it with you, Malfoy? Coming into my life, and not making me able to push you away." He mumbled, and dropped down on the other side of the bed. Harry looked up at the ceiling and sighed. He had no idea how he was going to pull through everything. He had no real idea on how to defeat Voldemort, and it's been months since they had started to work on figuring out what the horcruxes were, and with no luck. He turned to his side, pulling the covers over him, careful not to take them away from Malfoy.  _'Just sleep for now, Harry. All else can be delt with tomorrow._ _Later_ _._ _Not_ _now_ _. Tomorrow...All tomorrow.'_

And with that Harry fell into oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh. So here it is! The new update! I tried to write a scene with Draco having a panic attack, and I apologize if that is not how Panic attacks are like. I've never experienced one, so I can never know what they are exactly like. I was simply using accounts of experiences written by other people on the internet, so if you find something that is a little off, or not right, please tell me. I'll try my best to fix it.  
> Anyways, I hope you guys like it and I hope it gives you guys an insite into Draco's mind and why he doesn't want to sleep. Be sure to review and comment!  
> Until next time~


	11. Waking up

When Draco woke up, he found himself cuddled against the soft fabric of the pillow, and rather...warm? No, that wasn't right. Draco wakes up cold. Always cold. The warmth that would engulf him in his dreams always disappeared the moment his eyes opened..so why? Why was the cold not returning? Was he still dreaming?

None the less, Draco welcomed it, knowing it'd be gone sooner or later, so why not as well enjoy it while it still existed. Taking a deep breath of air, his arms tightened around the source of heat and pushed up closer to it. Content.

The knowledge that he wouldn't fall back asleep didn't matter anymore. As long he could feel this safe, and warm, he doesn't care. For all he knew, he might as well, still be sleeping. Sleeping never really scared him, it was waking up that did, and yet somehow this time was different. And strangely enough, it felt as though the warmth were alive. Breathing, and pumping blood, just like him...wait _breathing?_

The theory didn't prove itself wrong, when what seemed like a strong pair of arms wrapped themselves around his shoulder...Potter. _Fucking Potter_.

\----------------------------------------------------

Harry woke up falling off the bed. Dazed, he landed on the floor and groaned a little with the slight throb in his stomach. His attention turned to a shriek coming from atop of the bed.

"What the fuck, Draco?" Harry spoke, rubbing a hand on his head, trying to ease the slight sting, where Malfoy had just seemingly kicked him.

"WHY ARE YOU IN THE BED WITH ME?!"

"...I _sleep_ here."

"BUT I WAS IN HERE!!!"

"Geez, Malfoy. I won't sleep in the common room, just because you were here. This is my bed. And it is you who's in _my_  room. So deal with it, and just go back to sleep," Harry mumbled while crawling onto the bed, only to be kicked back down. _Fuck._

"And _WHO'S_ FAULT DO YOU THINK THAT IS?!" 

"Ok ok..just calm down," Harry spoke, voice still muffled with his sleep. He got up again, carefully climbing back into the bed. He raised his hands up in surrender when Malfoy's foot lifted again. "Woahohh Malfoy...calm..no one needs to get hurt here. Ok?"

The boy on the other hand only glared harder, as though it would pierce a hole through his head. "What time is it?" Malfoy snapped, making Harry flick back a little, in fear of being kicked. 

Harry whispers a quick _Lumos_ and turning to look at the clock on the wall, and that's when he remembers he's fucking blind. "Ok ok..wait...ok...it's good now," he says putting his glasses on. "Ok...it's like..2..in the morning. For fuck's sake Malfoy, it's fucking two in the morning, go back to sleep."

And with that Harry lets himself fall back on the bed, unaware of Malfoy snuffling out of the bed. It isn't until he hears the door rattling does he open his eyes again. _Ughhh._ "What are you doing?"

"Potter."

" _What?_ "

"Why is the door still locked?"

"For security purposes, now why the hell are you there?"

Malfoy turns around, and lifts his chin up a little in a noble way. "I want to leave."

Harry groans and runs a hand through his hair. "No."

"What do you mean _no_?!" Malfoy gapes. "I want to leave!"

"Well that's too bad, princess, You're staying here."

"This is kidnapping!! I'll-"

"You'll what?" Harry speaks, venom dripping from his tongue. "You'll tell your daddy? Oh wait..poor _daddy_ is in Azkaban." 

"Shut it, Potter! I-I have a..essay due tomorrow..and since I was busy being kidnapped, I couldn't do it! I don't know about you, but I don't plan on failing."

 _Right...the essay._  "But you need to sleep."

"What sleep, Potter? I've already slept more than 8 fucking hours. More than I have in 3 months. Do you really think I'll just be able to fall back asleep just out of the blue?"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "You can just take another potion you know?"

"OH MY GOD, POTTER! I'm surprised you even managed to pass potions? I _can't_ take another! It'll lead to overexposure."

"O-overeposure?"

"Read the textbook, Potter. Now fucking let me out, so I can go finish my essay."

Harry frowned. Sure he got this overexposure thing, but a part of what Malfoy was saying seemed to be rather _off_. He didn't shoot any nasty remark at him, when he insulted his father. Didn't even pull off his infamous Malfoy sneer. The way the sweat pooling on Malfoy's forehead, the clenching of his fists and Malfoy biting his lip didn't seem to calm his nerves either.

"Alright, fine. You can go, _but_ only if you promise to meet me by the black lake tomorrow night before curfew ends. Do we have a deal?"

Malfoy glared. "Alright, we have a deal."

Holding back a small chuckle, he spoke to the door, speaking a some phrase in Parseltongue., smiling when Malfoy shivered. The door opened and Draco bolted out, half running, half walking, and almost stumbling in the process. 

Something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong, and _Harry was going to find out..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this really late update! And I know it's really short, but I promise the next update will be longer and sooner! I hope you like it. Until next time~ <3


	12. The Fates

Malfoy came not too long after he settled down beside the big whomping willow. He looked rather off, almost like plastic. The glamour was back up, but weaker than before It seemed Malfoy was getting weaker...from what? He didn’t know.

Malfoy had already slept, and he himself had made sure of that. Even if he’d supposedly _‘hurt’_ Malfoy in the process. So why was it that the blonde was only getting more and more wearier. His skin pale, and almost sick looking even through the glamour. Hands were shaking, and his posture less... _less Malfoy like_.

Maybe he should have Madame Pomfrey look over him again. Look for some other reason or problem that might be causing this _thing_ in Malfoy. In all, it scared him.

“How’s it going, _Scarhead?_ ”

“Don’t call me that!” Harry growled. Weaker maybe, but it seemed that the bullying antics had never really left. Old habits really do die hard.

“Or what? Gonna go cry back to your mommy and Daddy?” the blonde sneered weakly, before putting his hand up to his chest in a mocking gasp. “Oh! Silly me, I forgot. Poor Mommy and Daddy died. _Such a pity._ ”

The rage pulled back at his strings once again, trying to pull him back, deeper into his mind. “ _Don’t_ ,” he warned. He was losing control again, and a small something told him it wouldn’t even pretty. Malfoy wouldn’t be so lucky this time.

His control was dancing on a thin line, ready to tip over with one small push, and surprisingly enough, he was almost daring Malfoy to go on.

_-o-_

Draco paused. The air had changed again. Suffocating him once again, on the verge of pulling him back under the tides. The water he hated oh so much. After all, he never did learn how to swim.

Green caught his eyes, and his breath hitched, the hurtful words stopping themselves at the tip of his tongue. Yes, Draco was scared. Cowardly too, but could you really blame him? It seemed that having the dark lord residing in his very bedroom had given him the ability to feel magic. Or well... _Potter’s magic_. In all, he didn’t like it. And the look that Poter seemed to give him was very reassuring either.

“So, why am I here?” he spoke, trying to change the mode. It dropped. The pressure of the magic, gone, just like that. Looking back at Potter, he could see the ugly sparkle coming back to his emerald eyes, and an almost smile grazing his lips. Disgusting.

“Let’s talk!” the boy beamed and it made Draco uncomfortable. How was it that Potter could go from angry to happy so easily? He had made sure to use the most painful insults. The ones that always pushed Potter to the edge. So what was so different this time?

“I’d rather not,” he stated, getting straight to the point. The silence that followed after was much like the dark stare that Potter had given him earlier, and it was deafening. The air around him wavered again, and what felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped upon his head. He gasped at the cold leaching through his clothes, wetting the fabric. Anger bubbled up his chest and he turned around to hex whoever it was that had dumped ice cold water on him to next week.

The moment he figured out there was no one behind him, was when Draco truly realized just how screwed he was. Upon further inspection, he learnt that he wasn’t wet at all. There had been no water at all...no bucket...no muttering of a spell. Shocked, he whipped his head around to look at the smiling raven staring up at him innocently. _How?_

Draco gave a small wavering smile, and waved his hand in a careless motion. “I’m just kidding! Ha ha...I’ll just sit...right here..ha ha!”

Draco was scared. Yes. He didn’t like Potter, and Merlin forbid he wanted to be _anywhere_ but here. He wanted to run. Far. Far away from Potter and never look back at this twisted being. Draco really didn’t want to be here, but better safe than sorry, right? He’d learned that the hard way last time...didn’t plan on doing that this time around either.

“So, how have you been, Malfoy?”

Draco eyes the gryffindor suspiciously. “Same as always. You, Potter?”

The raven tappen his chin with his wand. “I suppose it could be better. Don’t you think so?

_‘What are you playing at? Is this a new tactic? Another way to get back at me for my years of bullying? I hope you really don’t think that this bullying was one way. You and your little followers were..no ARE just as bad as me! I’m not your fucking scapegoat, Potter!’_ he thought, but instead replied with a small awkward nod.

“Oh! Did you eat that Treacle Tart that they served in breakfast today?” Draco shook his head, he hadn’t eaten anything at all. And now that potter had spoken of it, he could feel his stomach quench at the emptiness. Perhaps he should’ve tried to eat something. Potter seemed to be genuinely surprised by his answer. “YOU DIDN’T?!?!”

“I don’t like Treacle Tart. It tastes like diabetes.”

Potter put a hand on his chest gaping at what Draco had just said, and gasped dramatically. “HOW DARE YOU!?!?” Draco merely shrugged. “By the way...how do you know what Diabetes is? Isn’t that a _muggle_ thing?”

Draco shrugged again. This ‘talk’ was getting on his nerves.

“I honestly don’t understand how you don’t like treacle tart. It’s like one of the best things this world could possibly offer.”

“Enough, Potter,” he muttered glaring at the boy.

“What?”

“I SAID ENOUGH!! Don’t...just _don’t!_ ”

“Don’t what?” Potter asked, tilting his head a little in confusion. How dare he? He knew exactly what Draco was talking about!

“ _Don’t_ do this! This... _small talk!_ _Don’t_ pretend that we are friends, because we are not, and _you_ out of all people should know that!” he barked, snapping his finger at the raven accusingly.

A chuckle filled the air, and for a moment it caught Draco off guard. “Oh, I know we aren’t friends, Malfoy. In fact, I despise you. Perhaps even loathe you more that Voldemort himself. Though I haven't really decided yet. I mean, you two truly aren’t that far apart. After all, you both have made my life living hell. _Including my friends._ ”

Draco almost winced at that. Potter had been sure to point out the _‘friends’_ part. To think that Potter still truly believed that it was him behind the pictures. To think that Potter would compare him to..to _the Dark Lord._ What did Potter know? He knew nothing. _Nothing at all._ Potter was just like the others. _Blind and foolish._

“Shut up, Potter. I’m only asking you _why_ you are doing this!” A part of him still hoped that maybe Potter wanted to help him. A tiny piece buried deep under that ice wished that maybe...just maybe, Potter understood. _What he was going through? The pressure on his lungs that was increasing with every growing second? The dreams? The panic attacks? The utter feeling of dread? Like nothing he did would matter? Like nothing he did made him happy anymore? The..the want to just curl up and hide away from the rest of the world for only Merlin knows how long?_

“Don’t think I _want_ to do this. Only doing it because Pomfrey asked me to. I, honestly, couldn’t even bother to give a damn about you.”

The words hit like needles in his heart. They hurt, and along with them took away the last bit of hope he had lurking beneath. Was this how badly his own words had hurt others?

Draco had been wrong. It wasn’t Potter who was blind and Foolish. It was him. He’d been a fool to think that the one man that he had tormented for years would feel any sort of sympathy for him. That he could possibly even begin to understand him. The more Draco lingered on it, he realized that he, too, didn’t even begin to understand Potter. He had hated Potter for really no reason. He’d bullied his friend every day, called him names, spouted insults that only someone as spiteful as him could say. He was a complete arse, and nothing he could say would change that. Nothing that would justify what he did.

“I’m sorry,” Draco croaked is a hushed whisper. So quiet, that even he himself could hear it. He pressed his head back against the bark of the tree, and peered up at the setting sky before him. Pretty, like always. He wondered how someone as ugly as him could exist in such a beautiful world. It was a funny thing. It really was.

_Malfoy_ knew _Potter_ , and _Potter_ knew _Malfoy_ . But the funny side of things always hit him like the bottom of his father’s cane. Never hard enough to laugh, but hard enough to make him smile. Smile because he didn’t want to give his father the satisfaction of his yelps, but not to mock. It would only be mocking if he _laughed_ . His lips curled upwards, and he smiled the biggest smile he had in a long time. Smiled till it reached the tip of his ears, till his eyes watered, and threatened to spill. Till the guilt poured out from his lungs and his breath no longer felt locked up in this cage he’d made for himself. Till he no longer cared, because the truth was bitter, and he wondered if Potter had figured it out. _Draco_ never knew _Harry_ , and _Harry_ never knew _Draco._

And if the fates were still on his side, _they never would._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter! I know I haven't updated in a long time, but I hope this makes up for it! Hope you guys like it!
> 
> See a mistake? Tell me! Criticism is always appreciated!!


	13. Someone Up There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco has a meeting with his father, and Harry doesn't know what a panic attack is.
> 
> Warnings: Implied child abuse and Panic attacks.

Today, Draco uncovered one of nature’s greatest secrets. Someone. It doesn’t exactly matter who...whether it be Merlin, or Christ, or what the muggles seemed to call god. _Someone_ . Someone up there just really _fucking hates you_.

And Draco couldn’t help but let his mind wander off when the fireplace to his dorm lit up in bright flames. His father’s crinked up face coming in view.

“ _Father?_ ” he asked, almost confused to why his father would contact him...through the slytherin fireplace of all places. The snarl that followed made him straighten up, brush a hand through his pants trying to get rid of any wrinkles that may be visible. Giving a slight cough, he took one deep breath, before turning to get a better look at his father’s face. “Father.”

“Draco. How have your... _plans_ been going?” came his father’s voice, eerily calm. Draco had to put a hand up to his mouth to stifle his laughter. His father’s voice was calm, but his face burning and churning in the fire only contradicted that tranquility, baring his father’s true feelings.

“I have been working on them.”

“Just _working_ is not enough!” His father’s voice raising just a little, before going back to a soft tone. “ _I_...want them to be done as quickly as possible.”

 _Of Course._ Like Draco didn’t already know who that _‘I’_ was. But knowing his father as the coward he was, he wouldn’t as much as utter a hint about him and it was wiser to do so. He unconsciously rubbed a hand on his trembling wrist, and swallowed his growing nerves. “Y-yes, father.”

“Malfoy’s do _not_ stutter!!” his father snapped, the flaming face jutting out from the furnace. “ _Is that clear, Draco?_ ”

“S-sorry father.” Draco swallowed, coughing a little. “Yes, it is clear. I will not disappoint.”

“ _Good._ ”

And with that the fireplace burst into sputtering puffs of smoke, taking his father’s place along with the flames. Once the smoke cleared, and Draco knew he was alone, he collapsed. Knees buckling underneath him, dragging his trembling figure to the floor.

It was only minutes, but felt as like ages as Draco sat there. Pathetic, and shaking in front of the burnt-out fireplace. He turned his head to look at the clock. He had to go meet Potter soon. Either that, or have Potter drag him from his dorms in front the entire Slytherin population. Oh if only his father knew.

Fuck his _plans._ Potter seemed to be taking up all of them.

 

_-o-_

 

Draco looked awkwardly up at the raven before him. “ _Now?_ ”

“Yes, _now!_ ”

“ _Oh C’mon!_ It’s like only like _barely_ nine!!” Draco whined, trying to reason with the chosen one.

“You know what Malfoy? You’re right,” came a calm voice, and Draco’s heart fluttered with the tiniest bit of hope. “It’s not nine yet. It’s fucking _twelve!!!_ ”

“Oh.”

He could hear Potter take in a deep breath, and watched as the raven a hand through his unruly hair in frustration. “Ok Malfoy, I want you to be honest here. I-is... _is there something I’m missing here?_ ”

“Missing?” Draco asked dumbfoundedly.

“Yes...like-like do you get nightmares? _Is that it_? Or is this like a medical condition..insomnia? Or like are you just-”

“ _Or am I just doing it for attention_ ?” Draco cut him off in disbelief, flaring his nostrils, and snarling at the raven. “Right Potter, because I’d totally force myself to stay away for _days_ on end just for a little piece of your petty attention!!”

Anger burst at his very core. How dare...How _dare_ Potter!? First with the nonsense with the photos, and now this?! Accusing him for the photos was one thing. But this?! _This?!_

“Ok, you _can’t_ blame me for thinking that way.” Potter snapped back, running another calloused hand through his dark strands.

“Right! Because who could ever blame everyone’s loving _chosen one_ for anything?? Not for wrongly accusing somebody. Not for almost taking my life! You know what?!” Draco yelled. “You should’ve gone right through with it. I have no idea why you even _bothered_ to stop! Should’ve _finished_ the job! _Ended me right there and then._ ”

“Malfoy-”

“No. _NO!_ You...you don’t just get to do this! You can’t just... _y-you can’t_...”

Potter raised an eyebrow, and it came back, pressing down on his lungs as though they were nothing. Why did this always happen with Potter? He’d kept it well under control in front of his father, so why couldn’t he just...keep it down now? _‘Stupid stupid. Why the hell is this happening now??’_ Draco thought, trying to push his nerves back down. He dug his nails painfully into his sweaty palms, panting, trying to get just one good breath in through his lungs.

The panic filled through his every vein. Chemicals running through his very bloodstream, flooding them with  unbearable dread as it leached up from the deepest pits of his bones to the tiniest tingle of his fingertips.

“Malfoy?”

“I-I’m..I’m _dy-dying,_ ” Draco whispered, voice cracking after every letter. Fingers trembling like they’d never done before, vision blurring, and collapsing upon itself. The tightness in his chest, so strong, it was as though he was choking, suspended upside down by a single thread. And it _hurt._

_Hurt so fucking bad._

He was dying...he was going to die. Another sharp tug at his heart, and Draco curled up upon himself. His fingers digging into his arms, harder, and deeper with every coming second. _‘Focus on your arms, Draco...focus. Focus, please!”_

And he couldn’t. The tears welled up at the brim of his eyelids, threatening to spill the second he blinked. Perhaps, they were already leaking. Pouring out from his swollen eyes pathetically. If only father could see him now. He looked up at Potter desperately trying to reach out, but in no avail. He was going to die...and he was going to die _alone_.

The hazy figure of the raven stood up, saying something Draco couldn’t really make out. Or maybe he just didn’t want to hear it. With the way the figure walked out from the room, running a hand through its hair, a habit that Potter had grown quite fond of. Draco doubted Potter had anything good to say. Just more painful words, which were the tiniest bit more agonizing that his father’s cane.

The fuzzy thud of the door closing, broke him. He was alone. _Again._ Alone. Alone. Alone. He was going to die _alone_ , and he could do nothing about it.

‘ _You’re pathetic,_ ’ the voice came, nagging at him like his father would. _‘So weak..pathetic. You’re just another disappointment, Draco.’_

Draco choked out a broken sob, laying there curled on Potter’s bed, not really sure what to think, or feel. Wondering why he should have to feel at all. It’s be so much easier...if he couldn’t feel. If he just couldn’t feel a damn thing.

He clutched onto Potter’s blankets, his breaths coming out as silent pleas for him. He couldn’t breathe. His lungs filled beyond capacity, and forcing themselves to hold. Feeling the tension build, and the walls begin to collapse. Closing in upon his quivering self.

_‘Disgusting.’_

And Draco let go. Sobbing into Potter’s pillow, a tiny part of him wondering if Potter would feel anything at all when he would find this ugly body of his, cold... _dead_.

The pressure increased, and Draco gasped, trying to take in any air he could get. He regretted _everything._ He regretted ever making fun of the Weasley’s. He regretted not saying goodbye to his beloved mother. He regretted not putting in the effort to listen to her..or try to help. He regretted being the coward his father was. He regretted being so selfish... _so weak._

He regretted _everything. Someone up there just really fucking hated him._

 

_-o-_

 

Harry stormed out from his room, blood boiling with irritation. Why did Malfoy have to be so...so _dramatic?_

Harry was only trying to understand. Trying to figure out what he was missing, which now it seemed was nothing. And the more he tried, the harder it got for him to push out the image of a sobbing, broken Malfoy. It was fake. _Had to be._ Nothing had even happened! Nothing to cause such an intense reaction from the blonde.

Gritting his teeth, he marched down to the dorm rooms, trying to pull his mind away from the image. For a second...just for a second, he genuinely felt the need to help. Sure, he felt horrible for almost killing Malfoy, but the more he pondered on it, the more he wanted to think, and truly believe that Malfoy was just doing all this for attention.

Why else would someone like _him_  break down like _that_. Malfoy grew up in a rich, _happy_ family. He’d always gotten what he wanted, so there should be absolutely no reason that Malfoy should have such a strong response over...over _nothing!_

“Harry!! _Harry!_ ” a soft whisper came from the corner of the dorm room.

Relief spread through his bones, as he came across the face of the brightest witch of her time. _Mione’_

“Harry! What the hell are you doing out of bed. _It’s past midnight!_ ”

Harry gave a strained smile. “ _What are you?_ ”

“I asked first!” Hermione complained, placing the feather back down on the table, careful to keep it away from the parchment. _Ah..she was studying...like usual._ “You shouldn’t be out from your room this late!”

Harry sighed. “I know...I know...I just can’t deal with _that_ anymore!”

“That?” Hermione asked raising an eyebrow, and Harry gave a small nod.

“Remember that _situation_ with Malfoy...” he whispered, continuing when the brunette gave a small understand nod. “Yeah...so we argued. Like how we...always do. And..And he just. He went all out and I-I didn’t understand..I just-”

Hermione narrowed her eyes, and the same dreadful feeling of guilt began to build. “What do you mean... _he went all out?_ ”

“I-I don’t know! He just started shaking....and said he was _dying_ .” Harry stuttered, trying to make sense of his own words. His friends eyes widened, and Harry felt the need to continue. “I mean...he wasn’t dying! Nothing should even make him think that. I was just trying to understand his problem, and he just starts freaking out! I was just trying to help, and he starts to doing this, like- _like last time_. I mean..how hard can it possibly be to take a simple sleeping drought?”

“And....what did you do?” Hermione asked carefully.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “I left? Kinda why I’m here.. _.why?_ ”

“ _YOU LEFT?!_ ” Hermione gasped.

“Woah woah!” Harry hushed, raising his hands in silent surrender. “Yeah...I mean..Malfoy was _obviously_ faking it.”

Hermione gave a small groan of frustration, and quickly ushered out from the dorm door, heading down to Harry’s room. Harry followed, still confused, and just the tiniest bit worried.

“You _stupid_ little knucklehead!” she scorned, taking a sharp turn down the hall. “How could you possible leave him in such a condition?!”

“What?” Harry tried, jogging a little to keep up with her.

“I know you don’t like Malfoy, but that is no excuse! _No one_ deserves to be treated like that! I can’t believe you left him _alone_ during a panic attack!!”

“ _Panic...attack?_ ”

Hermione gave him a look of disbelief. “You don’t know?!”

“What’s...a panic..attack?”

Whatever it was, Harry didn’t like the sound of it. A panic attack...He didn't know. He didn’t know what it was. He didn’t...know. The floor opened, swallowing him with bitter guilt. It made him uneasy. He looked at his distressed friend who shook her head slightly.

“It’s like...what you go through after your nightmares. They’re not always the same..but it’s pretty much what you go through after your... _visions._ ”

Harry put a hand up his mouth, feeling the need to throw up. “ _Oh god_ ,” he croaked, feeling almost disgusted at his former self. “I left him. _Hermione_ ..I _left_ him there alone!”

She cringed at the sound of her full name. Harry never called her by her full name. Never. She could begin to imagine what both Malfoy, and Harry were going through right now. Harry looked so...horrified and it made her want nothing more than to turn back time.

“...I _left_...”

Hermione had half the mind to stop, and hug her friend, tell him that it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know, but it was already to late. The raven shot off, sprinting down the hall, and disappearing around the corner before she could as much as take another hasty step forward.

The brunette tried to follow, failing to keep up with the raven. Harry was long gone, and by this point, should be by Malfoy’s side. She came to a pause, frozen, and not knowing what to do anymore. She always knew what to do, and not knowing was not a good thing. The sound of footsteps coming from the other end of the hall, only foretold her doom.

“Stop right there, young lady! _What_ do you think you are doing out this late?”

_Filch._

She _could_ make a run for it. Avoid getting into detention altogether. Oh who was she kidding? Backing out on Harry like that? No...she couldn't. _She would never._

Grinning sheepishly, she turned on her heel to meet with the one and only Argus Filch, and of course the ever so loving... _Mrs. Norris._

She could only hope Harry would know what to do with Malfoy.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I have never had a panic attack before, so I can't possibly begin to understand what that would feel like. I researched a bit online, and wrote this chapter based upon what I read. If there is something off, or wrong, please let me know! I'll be more than glad to fix it.


	14. "We had a Bonding Moment!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry forces 'friendship' upon Draco, and Draco wants nothing to do with it.
> 
> Warnings: Voltron References and TERRIBLE puns.

The human body is only capable of panicking for a maximum of 20 minutes. How long had it been?

Surely it couldn't have been less than twenty minutes. It felt far too long. It HAD to be longer. An hour maybe? No...hours. _It had to be._ This pain felt endless...was death supposed to be this long? He didn't really want to die, and every growing second was giving him false hope that he would live. The false hope was worse. Were the fates so revolted with him that they wouldn't even give him as much as a peaceful death. He supposed his first theory was right. Someone up there really did fucking hate him. That was all up until, the gold plated door slammed open, a mast of black unruly hair sweeping towards him in an alarmingly fast rate.

Potter.

All mighty looking, cold sweat slipping down his neck, and his eyes. _Gods, his eyes._ It seemed that Potter had finally returned to finish the job. To end him once and for all. Maybe the raven finally found out about his secret, or maybe it was all out of pure spite. Could someone really hate him that much? To the point where they want to kill him?

But then again, who wouldn't? Who wouldn't want to free this beautiful world of something as gut-wrenching as he is?

Draco sniffled, taking in another gasp of air, his fingers still shaking, convulsing. He peered up, not bothering to wipe the trails his hot tears had left behind. He only curled up tighter, wrapping his arms around his trembling body.

Calloused hands reached out towards him, and he flinched back, yelping in fear. This was it...he was going to die..oh, he was definitely going to die. Hell, he didn't even get to apologize to his mother, and he would never get to speak another word to her, all because he was going to...

_...die?_

Draco gasped, feeling warm arms wrap themselves around his back awkwardly. The owner of the warmth dropped their head within the crook of his neck, muttering something he didn't quite hear.

A hug?

Potter was giving him a hug?

Draco blinked, shellshocked, and still trying to catch his breath. "I'm sorry... _I'm so sorry._ I-I didn't know... _gods I didn't know_ -" Potter tried.

_Inhale._

Draco knew that feeling. He grew up with it. Gripped its hand as it would drag him deeper into the depths of the forests, promising a way out, only to get more entangled. Lost. Unsure. Oblivious?

Too trusting, and with a heart dangling off the edge of his sleeve, just waiting. Waiting for someone to take it, and place it back in his chest, to get his blood pumping again. Only, it were as if it were invisible. It was as if Draco ceased to exist. His body just a shell of what he could have become. Snarky. Sassy. Tough, but soft. Loving, and accepting.

When Draco was younger, he truly thought and _believed_ there was good in each and everyone. That was before his father's teachings. Before he was bred into the poor blood tradition. Before he learned hate, and pain, and disgust. Before all the lies, and the pain. Before the racism, and his bullying. Before _everything._

He was born to trust, but changed with mistrust, and as Potter's arms tightened around him, he wanted nothing more than to scream. To cry, and yell. To speak. To talk, and to... _to understand._ To want to learn that trust again.

" _Please-_ " Draco begged. He knew Potter understood. He wanted Potter gone, and Potter knew that more than anyone else.

His heart clenched, clogging up in his throat, choking his words. Potter was going to leave, and just like all the other times, it would be Draco's fault for pushing him away. For pushing away the one this he'd been longing for.

_Comfort._

Warmth.

It was all going to leave, and Draco would be alone once again. The body holding him shifted, and Draco braced himself for the cold. Only the cold never came.

He yelped, feeling himself being lifted, and placed upwards on the bed, Potter still holding him tight and snug against his chest. "I'm sorry." The words sincere, and filled with a torrents of guilt.

_'Just this once. Just this one time.'_ Draco promised himself. He didn't deserve it, but just this once, let him be selfish. Let him. ' _Sorry father. I did always have trouble with following orders.'_

Lips curling upwards just a little, he let his arms wrap around the warmth, and into the shoulder that held him. _'Just this once.'_

And Draco sobbed. For the first time, his cries loud, and pained. He clenched the shirt in his fists fearing if he didn't hold on tight enough, it might slip out from his fingertips.

Hands ran through his hair, soft and coaxing. So gentle, and safe. Merlin, it felt _safe._ Something he handed felt in a long time. Not since evil had come knocking on his door, taking its place within his home. If he could even call it home.

Closing his eyes, he breathed. And cried. It felt safe, and so good.

_It felt happy._

 

_-o-_

 

"Potter."

"Hmmm," the raven hummed from his place under Draco. Potter had fallen asleep, and Draco being the selfish brat he was, took full advantage of that. He'd remained curled up on the other's lap pretending to be asleep.

"Wake up." he tapped the his cheek lightly, only to be crushed back into a breathtaking hold.

"Shut up," the raven grumbled rolling them over, before continuing on his sleep and Draco couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit jealous. Potter could fall asleep _so easily_. Why couldn't he?

Sighing and a bit weary from the previous unrolling of event, he left himself relax for a bit. Laying there, and accepting the warmth that radiated from Potter's body. He could forget his troubles like this. He could be happy with Potte-

_'Woah Woah Woah...hold your horses, Draco!! Don't-Don't even try to finish that sentence. That is never happening. Not today. Not tomorrow and definitely NOT now!'_

He slowly pried the strong arms off his waist, and slythered **_[heh...see what I did there? Hehehe~]_ ** his way out from under Potter. Grabbing his wand, and the vials from the tableside, he quietly made his way to the door, only to find it locked. _Again._

Bloody fucking Potter.

" _POTTER!!!_ "

The lump on the bed shot up, tumbling off the bed and onto the floor. Potter groaned, and looked up scratching his head just a little. Draco took in his form. Hair disheveled, glasses tilted, and eyes groggy. Now this was the Potter he knew.

"What the fuck, Draco?" he muttered. Draco gaped, and Potter gave him a confused look, unaware of is mistake. He'd called him Draco.

"Potter."

" _Yes, princess?_ " Draco turned a pale pink, glaring at the boy in front of him.

" _Why_ is the door locked?!"

The raven ran a hand through his hair, looking unamused. "Draco, we already talked about this."

"Open the door," he ordered.

"Why do you _always_ do this?"

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Do what?"

"Run away from me! You always run away. _Always! Always! Always!_ And quite frankly, it's starting to get on my nerves!"

"Yeah? Well _you're_ getting on _my_ nerves!!"

" _OH MY GOD!_ "

Draco huffed, motioning towards to door. Potter only sighed in return, and shook his head. "How about we _talk_ first? Okay?" Potter asked warily, as though talking to a child.

"No No NO! _Not_ okay! _I want to leave!_ " Draco exasperated. He didn't want to _talk_. He didn't want to say anything, and hell he'd do _anything_ to get out of talking.

"Draco, please. Don't act like a child. _Draco_ -"

"Don't call me that!" he snapped, gritting his teeth.

Potter furrowed his eyebrows. "Call you what?"

"Don't call me Draco! We are not friends, _Potter!"_

Potter blinked dumbfoundedly. He stared in disbelief. "What?"

"We. Are. Not. Friends. _Potter_." Draco claimed, exaggerating each word to get his point across, and Potter gaped.

"We had a bonding moment!!" the raven said throwing his hands up in the air. " _I cradled you in my arms!!_ " _**[Klance anybody?!]**_

Draco shook his head. "Nope. No. Didn't happen!"

" _Why are you like this?!_ "

Draco only glared in response. "Let me out. _Now!_ "

The raven sighed, adjusting his glasses a little, and stood up from the floor. Merlin, oh how Draco wished Potter had just stayed on the ground. Potter towering over him didn't exactly make him feel the most.. _..intimidating._

"No."

"Did you not hear me-" Draco started, but was cut off, when Potter raised his hand.

"Look, I'm not going to argue with you on this any further. You're not leaving or getting out from that door without my permission. Until then you am come, and make yourself comfortable," he motioned towards the bed, and then glanced at the vials in Draco's hands. "We are going to have a talk."

"I don't want to talk.." Draco snapped, his anger sounding weaker than it should.

Potter sighed. " _Fine._ Then take your potion, and get to sleep. I am _not_ going to repeat myself twice."

Draco waited for Potter to say more, but only silence greeted him. He could feel Potter's gaze boring into him, cold and calculated. Unlike how he had been before. Potter truly wasn't going to repeat himself twice, but Draco wasn't about to go down without a fight.

He lifted his chin, crossed his arms, and gave glared at the raven defiantly. They stayed like that for a moment. Staring at each other. Challenging. Waiting to see who would give in first. Potter broke first.

"Ok, that's it!" Draco beamed in victory, but it was short-lived. Potter marched towards him, grabbing his arm, and pushing him down on the bed.

"Hey! Hey!!" Draco complained, trashing his fists against the raven's chest, but in no avail. Potter held him tight against his chest, giving him no room to move. He was being sandwiched between the mattress and the chosen one.

He could see Potter struggling to reach over, and grab the vial that lay discarded aside while trying to keep him down. _'Good,'_ Draco thought. _'Let him struggle.'_

And with that Draco squirmed even more, contemplating on whether to bite the shoulder in front of him or not. It wasn't the best decision, but then again, what better could you expect from Draco?

Determined, and slightly annoyed at how easily this short-ass could keep him down, he bit down on Potter's shoulder. _Hard._ He grinned as Potter winced.

Strike One for Draco.

Potter loosening his hold, and that's when Draco burst into action. He pushed the raven, and sprang out from under Potter. He pushed up from the bed, and had only managed a step from the bed, before a hand grabbed his wrist. He yelped as the hand spun him around, and brought him back into Potter's chest.

Only in a much more compromising situation. Draco flushed a deep red. Potter had pulled him down on his lap, Draco's back against his chest, and the hold on still very much tight on his wrist. He squirmed a bit, trying to get out of the hold, but Potter held tight, and it wasn't like Draco could bite him this way. _'Why does this happen every time?! And Potter just seems to be getting better at it every time! Stupid Stupid Potter!!'_

"Draco, _stop squirming._ "

"Why Potter? Can't hold me down for long?" Draco gritted, moving again, trying to loosen the hold in any way he could.

" _Draco-_ "

"What?!"

"Y-you can't keep _moving_ like that.... _in my lap._ "

Draco paused, not understanding Potter's words. _What?_ He turned his head around to get a better look at the other's face. Potter face was hanging low, cheeks flushed red, all the way to the tip on his ears, and his gaze low. Kinda cute. Potter was averting his gaze, and that's when the sudden realization dawned upon him.

 

_Oh._

 

_Oooooohhhh._

 

Draco's eyes widened, and his face reddened even more. He swiftly turned his head around, and bit his lip, not daring to move, or even think about what Potter would feel like against him. _'No...no, don't think about him!'_

He muttered a small, _'sorry,'_ and sat still, trying not to move, or aggravate Potter any further.

"Thanks," Potter whispered back, before moving his free hand to grab the potion. He brought it up to Draco's lips, but Draco lurched back, refusing to open his mouth.

"Draco-" Potter growled in warning, and Draco froze again. Right. He probably shouldn't _aggravate_ Potter anymore.

The way things were going, Draco knew he didn't have much of a choice, but to drink the potion, but that didn't mean that Potter knew. Draco was going to use that to his advantage. "Fine...I'll drink it and stop moving, _but~_ "

He heard Potter groan and grinned in victory. " _What do you want?_ "

"You're fucking Potter. Part of the 'Holier than Thou gang' and-

"Holier than thou?"

"Shut up and let me talk! Like I was saying. I _know_ you are not going to leave me alone and I'm eventually going to have to answer your questions, so I want something in return. I answer your question, but _you_ will have to answer mine. And you can't say no to answering them, _or lie._ You have to be honest. Something I _know_ you have problems with." It wasn't a lie. Potter lied all the time. Draco just so happened to be the only one to see through them.

He could hear Potter grit his teeth from behind him. "Fine," the raven muttered in a small growl. "I'll answer your questions, but the same applies for you."

"Oh please Potter, I'm a man of my words!"

Potter scoffed. "Sure. Keep telling yourself that."

"Hey!"

He heard a small chuckle from behind him, and Draco couldn't help the small smile that found its way to his lips.

Potter pressed the vial against his lips, and this time he took it willingly. The raven moved out from under him, placing him back onto the bed, and pulling the sheets up his chin.

"You're smiling," Potter told him.

"Yeah? Well, you're hallucinating. Think that holliness might be getting to your head."

Potter gave him an amused look. "And you're _still_ smiling."

"Am not!" Draco argued all the while a smile dancing on his lips. _Potter had to be hallucinating._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is pretty late. Sorry about that. I had school, and exams and I also had to catch up with my other stories. It's no excuse, but still. Speaking of other stories. I also have another Drarry Story out there, and some other ships. Be sure to check them out!
> 
> Also, if someone is having a panic attack, don't be like Harry, and forcefully force hugs upon them. Get them to calm down, and respect their space. Try to get them to be aware of their surroundings, and just be with them. I don't know much about panic attacks, but I would still respect their personal space. Harry's has trouble understanding what that means~
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys liked this chapter! See a mistake? Tell me!
> 
> Voltron4life.


	15. In Too Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco in too deep...and it's not a good thing.  
> Warnings: Implied child abuse. Sappy stuff. Harry crying.

Agreeing to a talk with Potter was probably _not_ a good idea.

Nope, definitely not. And now as he sat in front of his father, who’d come to visit him, Draco couldn’t help but go back to their last interaction together. The one where Potter had called him a _friend_ . The one in which Potter reached out to grip his hand. The one where he was smiling like a buffoon. The one where he may or may not have _accidently_ given the chosen one a bone–

“Draco!” his father's sharp voice came, dragging him back from his thought to the present. “Are you listening?!”

Draco scrambled to straighten his back, and erase the smile that was finding its way back to his lips. “Yes, father. I am listening. Forgive me for my ignorance.” He bowed his head slightly in a feigned form of respect.

His father huffed, raising his cane slightly, and Draco had to will himself to not flinch. “As I was saying. The Dark Lord has requested your presence.”

“ _T-The Dark Lord?! Why_ –I mean...when?” he stuttered fumbling over his words.

The man before him only sighed slightly, and looked up with discontent. “This coming yule ball. You are required to come. I will tell you where and the timing after. You should feel lucky. The Dark Lord has finally decided to take you under his wing, even though you are not of age yet.”

Draco gulped. _Under his wing._ He knew exactly what that meant, and oh how he wished he hadn’t.  

He looked off the side, and nodded.

Gods, he didn’t want to go back this winter. Not at all. Not back to where Mr.Noseless, and Ms.IwantNoselessToNoticeMe.

He shuddered, and batted his eyelashes lightly. “So Father, _I was wondering.._.” he started, swiping a tongue over his lips. “If I could stay over for the winter break this year. I mean...it might be my last year here, and you know with all these people I’ve come to _know_ over the years, I would _hate_ to part them them so soon. That wouldn’t be too much to ask now would it?”

His father rubbed his forehead, letting out another deep sigh. “Who is she?”

Draco blinked, his mind reeling back to Potter, standing there with his bloody disgusting emerald eyes, and stupid unruly hair.

Fuck.

He did not just think of Potter during a conversation like this. He coughed, letting out a small cheeky smile. “Oh father. _I don’t kiss and tell!_ ”

“Fine,” his father groaned, reaching for his coat that lay hung over the armrest of the dorm chairs. “ _Just this once._ ”

“Thank you, father,” and with that his father threw a handful of floo powder into the fireplace, and stepped in, engulfed by the flames.

Merlin how he wished those flames would actually burn his father to nothing but ash.

 

-o-

 

“Draco.”

Draco bit the inside of his lip. “Potter.”

“Will you stop calling me that?!”

“Why?”

“Because we are friends now!!”

“ _Potter,_ ” Draco started as though trying to talk to a child. “We are literally having an interrogation session right now. Not exactly something _‘friends’_ do.”

Potter groaned, pouting slightly. “You make it sound like we’re enemies or something.”

“That’s exactly the point.”

“ _You’re so infuriating!_ ” Potter spoke, before taking a gulp of the vertesium potion Draco had improvised. Draco followed not long after, taking his shot from the vial in front of him.

“Ok, I start,” Draco said, cutting potter off, who had just opened his mouth. “During second year...How did you get a hold of a Polyjuice Potion? Was it Granger?”

Potter sputtered. “ _P-polyjuice potion?!_ ”

Draco rolled his eyes. “Don’t bother trying to lie, Potter. In you haven’t noticed... _you can’t._ ”

“How did you know?”

“Oh please! _Reading_ glasses? Really? Couldn’t you have been anymore original?” Draco narrowed his eyes. “Besides, you’re the only one in this school that could have such a terrible sense in fashion for glasses.”

The raven scratched the back of his head, and gave a cheeky smile. “Give me a break. I did live in a closet for half my life.”

“Live in a closet?! Don’t kid yourself, Potter!” Draco scoffed disbelieved. “Your the chosen one. You were probably pampered, and spoiled you your entire life. Gods, they must’ve _loved_ you.”

Potter’s smile fell from his lips, a frown replacing it. “Sure.”

“What do you mean _sure?_ Don’t tell me you _actually_ lived in a closet!?” Potter didn’t reply to that, and Draco's eyes widened in disbelief. “ _No way!!_ ”

“Yes way.”

“But why... _How?!_ ” he asked. “You–you’re the _chosen one._ ”

“They...didn’t like magic much.. _.can we change the topic now?_ ” Potter asked sounding more like he was begging. The raven had begun to fiddle with the cuffs of his sleeves, nails digging into his arm every now and then. Draco bit himself from the questions that rolled down to the tip of his tongue, knowing now would not be a good time.

All his life he’d been so jealous of Potter. He’d always figures the raven would’ve been pampered and showered with love and gifts. This did not fit his description of Potter.

“Did you actually drink a potion with Goyle’s essence?”

That made Potter crack up, his frown splitting into a half smile. “Nope. My turn to ask questions,” he began, expression going grim again. God, his moods change so fast. “Was it you?”

Draco raised an eyebrow. “ _Was it...me?_ ” he repeated, not really understanding the question.

“You know...t-the pictures...and G-Ginny..”

Draco groaned. “No.”

“No?” Potter blinked.

“Yes...I mean no. I didn’t put those pictures up there. I know I’m an arse, but even I wouldn’t stoop _that_ low. Can’t believe you still think that I put them up there,” Draco said, talking more to himself than Potter. _Whatever happened to being friends??_

Potter looked devastated at his answer. Guilt wrinkled on his tanned skin, and eyebrows furrowed. “W-why did...you say that you _did_..back then?” the raven asked, trying to find some excuse for his _‘behavior’_ back _then._

“Would you have believed me?” Draco leaned back against the whooping tree, eyes trailing over the the semi-frozen lake.  
  
“ _What do you mean by that?!_ ” Potter defended sounding genuinely shocked by his words, but Draco wasn’t falling for it. He knew better.

“Forget it. Tell me how you knew I was out after curfew?” Draco questioned, trying to reel the conversation into another direction.

“No!” Potter snapped. “You don’t get to just...just..What did you mean by,  _‘I wouldn’t believe you?!’_ ”

“It’s my turn to ask questions, Potter!”

“Yeah..but–”

“Nope!” Draco hushed him, raising a finger up to the other’s lips to quiet him. “My question first!”

“I-I have this...map.”

“Map?”

Potter let out a sigh, and looked off to the side. “Yeah...it allows be to see where anyone within the boundaries of this school...”

“ _NO WAY?!_ ” Draco exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “ _That's_ how you always knew where I was!”

“Yeah...” the raven trailed off, pulling at his sleeved once again.

“So bloody unfair!” Draco huffed.

They were quiet for a moment. Silence filled the whistling air, as they peered to the horizon over the lake. It was nice. Frost was beginning to freeze over the water in crystal. The small gleam of light over the hills gave the waters a orange hue, making it look more like an autumn afternoon rather than winter. Snowfall was late this year, but he still hoped it would snow during Christmas.

He longed to be able to take the first steps onto as unmarked patch of snow. IHe would then trace his tracks back, trying to make a clean even line to write some sort of message or create a small heart into the snow.

“What did you mean, ‘I wouldn’t believe you?’” Potter broke the silence, voice cracking slightly.

“It means exactly as it sounds...”

“I-I.. _why?_ ”

“You said it yourself. _Can’t trust the son of a death eater, now can you?_ ” Draco almost sneered the last part, causing the raven to cringe away slightly.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” the raven spoke, voice hoarse and rough. “I-I almost... _gods,_ I almost _k-killed_ you..and _I-I..can’t_..I–”

Draco frowned looking over to Potter...wait. _Was Potter crying?!_

The raven sniffled quietly as his tears rolled down his cheeks in thick beads. His lip quivered, and the white around that ugly green turning a violent red. “I-I didn’t mean to–”

“H-hey, but think about the bright side of things! Think about how you _didn’t_ almost kill me!” Draco tried, but it only got Potter wallowing even louder. The raven rubbed a sleeve over his eyes trying to rid of his temporary weakness, but it no avail.

Shit.

“Potter! C’mon..don’t cry?”

The raven only sobbed louder.

“ _Please?_ ”

Tear poured like an unbroken stream from his eyes, his cheeks puffing up, and turning red.

“I’ll get you a Treacle tart?”

No response.

“Potter... _come on_...You can’t just... _cry like that!!_ ”

And it was as though Potter couldn’t even hear him.

“ _H-Harry?_ ” Draco attempted. Potter paused for a moment, looking over to him. “Look..w-we all make mistakes, okay? And it’s not like I haven't been a sore arse to you all these years. I’m not angry. _Okay_...so maybe I am a little angry...but not a lot. _I-I don’t hate you?_ ”

The raven sniffed, and Draco swore those lips tugged up slightly. “Y-you called me Harry.”

“Yeah...well, you wouldn’t listen otherwise.” Draco huffed, crossing his arms. Inside, he was relieved that Potter had stopped crying. Gods, this boy was like a complete child.

“Hmm...”

“Why...did you get so..violent in the first place?” Draco asked.

“I don’t know,” a small voice came back, surprising him. He hadn’t been expecting an answer. “ _I...I don’t...know..._ ”

“Ok ok...your turn.” Draco added quickly. The topic was tense, and neither seemed to willing to talk about it yet.

Potter snapped his eyes up, meeting his eyes. “What caused those panic attacks? I swear I didn’t know what was going on...so I’m sorry for leaving you alone during them..Mione’ told me and Merlin’s sake...I didn’t know,” Potter rambled, before Draco cut him off.

“It’s okay, hero-boy. It’s kinda like the insomnia...I can’t exactly _control_ it. It just felt....suffocating,” Draco spoke quietly, not telling the complete truth, but not exactly lying either. It was true he felt suffocated, but there was more to the story. _So much more._

Potter hummed, the awkward silence returning once again. This time longer. The last of the sun’s rays were peeking just barely over the edge. The sky behind his turning black, following a coloured pattern back to the setting sun.

“We should get going. It’s almost curfew,” Draco said, trying to rid himself of the uncomfortable silence.

Potter nodded in agreement. They got up, dusting their robes off before trotting their way back to the castle.

“By the way, you still owe me that treacle tart you promised...”

Draco whipped his head around, face contorted with disbelief. Har–no... _Potter_ was grinning. “ _You bloody wanker!!_ ”

_Harry_ laughed.

 

-o-

 

Days went by, and Draco spent more and more of his nights in Harry’s room. They talked and argued. Laughed and fucking _slept!_ Honestly...Draco didn’t know where they were. Were they friends? Enemies?

And as the Yule Ball crept closer, Draco couldn’t help, but wonder whether or not he could hate Harry as he once had before.

Draco swore he did his best to avoid his ‘mission,’ as much as he could, not wanting to take part of it. Killing Dumbledore? _What a joke!_ They could’ve just asked him to jump of a cliff instead.

When the time came he’d have to betray him...and Harry had fucking trusted him.

Maybe he could tell Harry about it. He’d trust him, right? They had this talk before. Sure, he’d avoided the question, but he still got a gist of what Potter had tried to tell him. That he would, ‘trust him.’ Even so, Draco wasn’t sure.

Harry hated Death Eaters to his very core. He despised the Dark Lord even more, and if Harry knew that Draco was involved, there’s no doubt that he’d hate him as well. And judged by Harry’s strange violent outbursts, Draco feared he might even be killed in that fury.

He could trust Harry though. They were friends now.. _.right?_ Were they? Or was Harry doing this all out of guilt. Draco groaned, running a hand through his disheveled hair in frustration. He didn’t know and it infuriated him.

“Draco??” a high squealing voice came from beside him, reeling him away from his thoughts. Pansy.

“Yes?” he asked, not sure why she was looking at him so brightly.

“What’s up with you? You’ve been staring at Potter for a pretty long time now.”

Draco tore his gaze away from the gryffindor table, and back to his two friends. “Harry’s been helping me with my... _insomnia._ ”

_Silence._ Complete and utter silence. One wouldn’t consider it as something wrong, but this was Pansy they were talking about here, and Pansy was _never_ quiet.

“ _What?!_ ” he exasperated, stretching his words slightly.

“You called him...Harry..” Blaise said, face contorted with fake shock.

Draco rolled his eyes, cheeks turning a soft pink. “Yeah..so?”

Pansy nudged him from the side, lips broken into a wide grin, and eyes twinkling with mischief. “ _Somebody’s got a crush~_ ” she cooed quietly.

Draco sputtered on his glass of Pumpkin juice. He felt his face heat up, and he scowled at the former raven. “ _I DO NOT HAVE A_ –” he paused, feeling everyone’s eyes on him. He gave a sharp look, as they all returned to their eating. “ _I do not have a crush on, Potter!_ ” he said, whispering to Pansy this time.

“Awww~” she pinched his cheeks, and he pulled away growling. “Whatever happened to _Harry?_ ”

Draco looked away, biting the inside of his cheek. His face was flushed, and now he had even begun to pull at the flash around his nails. He never did that!

Draco looked back over to the gryffindor table. Harry was there. Smiling, and laughing along with his friends as Granger was scolding them over something. His mind went back to their previous times together. The one where Harry would laugh and grin, when he would snap at the raven for something stupid.

The warmth of Harry’s hand when he’d “cradled him in his arms.” It was something Draco would rather than admit remembering. He remembers how soft, and welcoming that disgusting shade of green was. How much warmer it felt than the green on the tip of the Dark Lord’s. They were the same colour, yet so much more different.

How his body was now aching to have those tanned arms around him again. How he no longer minded the raven’s terrible fashion, but indulged in it instead.

Draco blinked in realization, before turning back to Pansy’s adorable cute, but annoying pug face. She was right...she was so right. He was in too deep.

“ _Fuck._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is a bit late, but I hope you guys like it! It's not my best, and not that long either, but it is more a leading thing for the next chapter! If you guys like this story, you can also check out my other Drarry fanfic called, 'The Unfortunate Ones.'  
> It's a zombie AU, featuring Harry with a mullet. If that sounds interesting to you guys, please go check it out! I promise it won't disappoint! 
> 
> See a mistake? Tell me! Both criticism and suggestions for the plot or story is appreciated! Enjoy~


	16. Author Note

Hey guys,

I just want to thank everyone who has read this story, leaving kudos, and such supporting comments, I really appreciate every single one of them. they all inspire me to write more, and I know I've been lazy with my updating, but I'm kinda stuck at the moment. 

I have this block, and can't seem to write a chapter without erasing it and rewriting it all over again, which is why I haven't updating for like 4 months. I'm trying to stick to one plot, and I'm just not sure which one will work out the best. I wasn't sure if I wanted to end the story with a bittersweet ending or a more happier ending...or an open-ended one. Personally, I want to leave it slightly open-ended, because the title of the story will start to make sense then. 

And I've been having difficulty choosing and writing my next chapter, and my brain started wandering, so I started on other stories. So sorry for not updating, but I'm working on another copy of this chapter and I promise I won't erase it this time. So for anyone wondering, no this story is not being abandoned. I plan to update this month, hopefully by next week. I'm simply taking a break from my drarry stories for a while.

 

Thank you again for being patient, and having to put up with my lazy schedule. You guys all have a great day or night...if it's night. Expect an update by next week. Until next time,

 

Skiiish367


	17. The stages of falling in love: Attraction

Draco was smiling, and fuck...he was _smiling._ “ _Pansyyy,_ ” he whined, throwing himself deeper into the pillow he was snuggling against, feet rocking back and forth. “It’s bad...it’s really bad.”

“You’ll do fine, darling, trust me!” Pansy spoke, not looking up from her nails. She’d been painting them a teal colour not too far from his bed.

“What if he doesn’t like me?! I mean...of course he doesn’t like me. I’ve been an arse to him and his friends for like 5 years?! What if he hates me?! OH GOD PANSY!! HE _HATES_ ME!!”

“There is a very thin line between love and hate, Draco.”

“It’s not the same,” Draco grumbled, thinking back to the time Harry hugged him, holding him close, and refusing to let him go. It wasn’t the best way to get Draco to calm down, but hey! It worked, and now that he thinks about it, it was definitely worth it.

Draco imagines the curly black hair, the gloriously tanned skin with he splatter of freckles, and the smell of cheap cologne dripping off from his shirt. The one he seemed to wear every fucking day.

Ah...fuck. He really was royally fucked. He was too deep in, and with his father snooping around on his every move, Draco wasn’t sure what to do.

“I can’t like him!!” he groans, feeling a sense of dread wash over him.

“But Draco darling, you already do.”

“ _I know_ ,” the blonde whined. “That’s the problem.”

It was a problem. It was a huge problem. Something Draco wouldn’t have even considered if it had been two years ago. He couldn’t fall in love with the son of his father’s blood sworn enemy...but merlin was he hot.

It wasn’t his fault!

That’s right! It’s his dick’s fault...but then again, he couldn’t just walk up to his father and be all, ‘ _Father, I hate Potter, but my dick seems to think otherwise.’_

He could already imagine his father's horror. He let out a small chuckle at the thought and Pansy gave him a look. “Can you imagine what father would think?”

Pansy quirked her eyes up in realization, but it was short lived. The small gap of shock turned to a sinister smile creeping across her face, stretching from ear to ear. Draco deadpanned, as Pansy closed her eyes for a moment, letting out a scoff. “What your father doesn't know, can’t hurt right?”

Draco opened his mouth to refuse, but nothing came out. Pansy..pansy was...

 

_...right._

 

She was so fucking right, and a smile started to creep upon his face. Fuck his father. He had one month. _One_ month before he had to leave and get branded... _one_ month of delaying Dumbledore’s attempted murder.

It wasn’t as though it’d matter either way. Draco already knew the outcome. There was no way he would be able to kill a wizard who’s had more than a hundred years of experience ahead of him. Did he mention the old man was also supposedly one of the most powerful wizard aside from the Dark Lord and all those other old grumpy old bearded men that always greeted you with a long warm creepy ass smile that Draco absolutely despised.

It didn’t matter. None of it. He’d end up on the wrong side at the end of it all, so why not live this last month like it was his last? For all he knew, it could be his last.

He gave Pansy a knowing look, and she returned it with a sly smirk. God, he loved slytherins. Sure they were all assholes, but they were some loyal assholes. Something you couldn’t even find in a hufflepuff. Slytherins were one of a kind.

Today was the best fucking day of his life. Fuck his father.

 

_-o-_

 

Draco really needs a better plan, because this dumbass raven wasn’t going to let him do anything but sleep.

“I don’t want to,” Draco groans, pushing away the vile that the raven was shoving towards his face. “I’ve had enough sleep...trust!”

The raven frowns. “You have to sleep at least 8 hours a day.”

“I know! And I have been...but sometimes I just need a break,” Draco tried, flailing his arms around to convey his point, but in no avail. Harry gave him an  unamused look and Draco continued. “C’mon...it’s the holidays, and we have weeks before school starts again. Let's do something for a change. You know...like head to town, have picnic, go grab a butterbeer? Anything! _Pleaaaseeee???_ ”

The raven looked hesitant, hands twitching slightly as he contemplated on the others words. “Anything?” he replied after a while, and Draco nodded frantically. Gods...he was desperate. “What about...quidditch?”

Draco gaped, appalled at the suggestion. “In the _pouring rain_?!”

Harry nodded, letting out a toothy grin, and Draco almost dropped at the beauty of it. “Yeah! That’s what makes it fun!”

If it had been anyone else, Draco would have long flipped them off, and already begun to walk in the opposite direction...but this was Harry they were talking about. Bloody Potter, with his stupid ass smile, and adorable gleam that made Draco forget about why he hated the rain in the first place.

“Fine,” he muttered, pouting slightly. He resisted the urge to smile, and coced his chin up as if to say, ‘lead the way.’ Draco is letting go of his control...his _hierarchy_ in this school, and the raven has the audacity to wiggle his eyebrows. “No. Nope. I’m not keeping up with this. We can’t be friends anymore, Potter.”

“You called me your friend,” Harry blinks, a small hint of shock mixed in with that same mischievous tendencies he’d seen for the past few years.

“I literally just said we _can’t_ be friends anymore. Did you not take anything from what I said?”

“But you admitted we are friends!”

“ _Oh my god!_ You’re insufferable!”

“But you love me the same!” Harry winks playfully, and Draco doesn’t know how to explain the raven how much he actually loves him. Gods, he loves him so much..it’s almost unbearable.

“I wouldn’t go _that_ far,” Draco replies, and Harry’s grin falters immediately.

“You take that back!”

" _NOPE!_ "

 

_-o-_

 

Draco was proud to say he was winning. He was fucking winning, and he was going to rub it in the champion’s stubborn cocky face. “Guess who’s winning, Potter? That’s right! _Me!_ ”

He gave a defeated look, hair matted to his face as the rain continued to pour down. Draco’s own robes and hair soaked down to the bone. All the way that even his curls had begun to sprung up, and in the moment, Draco couldn’t find himself to care.

Draco flew down to the ground, trembling slightly as he got off the broom, legs shaky,a and knees buckling slightly, from the pressure. He let out a uncontrollable laugh, as Harry followed, falling onto his arse, mud covering his clothing, and palms.

“Oh poor chosen one, defeated by a little rain,” Draco mocked, a grin dancing along his lips.

“The rain,” Harry hissed, pointing to his covered glasses “hinders my eyesight. It’s like flying blindfolded!”

Draco let out a small gasp, placing a hand up to his chest. “What’s this, Potter? _Excuses?_ ”

Harry didn’t reply, glowering slightly, before getting up, fists clenching slightly. Shit...had Draco gone too far? Had he ruined his progress? Does Potter finally hae him now? Shit shit shit..fuck.

Draco bit his lip nervously, before noticing the small twitch of the other’s lips. “Wait–” he started, eyeing the large pile of mud and uck in the other’s hands. “Potter...” he warned, taking a step back.

“Scared, Malfoy?”

“I’m no–” Draco didn’t have a chance to reply, before a wet glob of mud found its way to his neck, splattering up his chin, and all the way up to his nose. He gaped, wiping the dirt from his lips with his sleeve, and swallowed in annoyance.

“You little shit,” Draco muttered, eyeing the raven who was doubled over laughing at his pitiful state. He straightened up, cracking his neck to the side, and crunching his hands together as if to feign stretch.

Oh, two could play this game.

Draco didn’t bother with the stupid foreplay, instead running straight ahead and catching the other by surprise. He pushed the raven, attempting to get him to slip back in the mud pile. However, things don’t always go as planned.

Harry instinctively reached over, grabbing the first thing to keep him from falling, which just so happened to be Draco, sending them crashing into the pile of uck. The raven let out a choked laugh, pushing Draco off him who went sliding into the deep pit of wet dirt.

“You asshole!” Draco yelled, sending a mud pile hurling his way. The raven raised his arms trying to keep the mud from his face, but failing miserably, as it splattered onto his glasses, and sinking deep into one ear.

The rain kept washing down upon them, and Draco wondered how it was that life could become one of those cheesy romantic movies he’d see on the muggle boxes. It felt too good to be true, and as one of Harry’s hands landed close to his hip, he felt his heart swoon the slightest, pumping blood filling with adrenaline throughout his entire body.

The raven was so close, and Draco swore he could hear the other’s heartbeat from where he sat, knees deep in the mud, the rain pounding down around them.

Draco eyes fell upon the other’s face, taking in every small detail, finding even the smallest flaws to be beautiful. The small freckles and the tiny hints of acne hitting his forehead in a way it mirrored the stars, and Draco wondered if he could connect the dots to spell out the constellations themselves.

And his eyes, _gods his eyes_. Draco swore, Merlin had used his best pallet to paint him with the most purest of colours, warmth finding itself home in even the most darkest of colours. The emerald holding all the wonders of the world, shining with ambition and _passion._

He swallowed, feeling gravity inch them closer, the space closing in on them. And the outside world doesn't seem to matter, almost ceasing to exist. They could kiss at this rate, and he was so close... _so close_ , and Draco hadn’t realized he’d stopped breathing until his lungs began to burn, skin yearning and begging for release.

His eyes began closing, and if this was natural selection, than Mother Nature was a fucking miracle.

Just an inch closer and _they would–_

  


 

“ _You know you snore when you sleep._ ”

  


 

Draco blinked, feeling mortified. Where the fuck did that come from?

He felt the warmth reel back, and the raven beginning to lean back. Harry let out a small grin, and Draco couldn't bring himself to be angry.

“I do not!” he snapped back, trying to push away his yearning nerved to the back of his mind. His body felt incomplete, missing something he couldn't begin to describe. 

“You do!” the raven insisted. “But don’t worry, it’s sort of a...cute snore.”

“ _What?_ ” Draco sneered slightly, feeling blood begin to rush up to fill his face. “W-what do I sound like?!”

Harry paused for a moment, and scratched the back of his head nervously. “..you know...like an adorable little lawn mower.”

 

“ _The fucks a lawn mower?_ ”

 

Harry gulped, realizing that the blonde truly had no idea of what a lawn mower was. His cheeks began to heat up slightly, eyeing the angry blonde, fidgeting and grumbling under his breath.

This little piece of blonde shit. He _had_ to stop being so cute.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, because I wanted to save the rest for the next chapter, which is going to get the lot to move on. I just wanted to add in some happy, sappy cute stuff, and build their relationship up a little, and not just rush in to them being together. You know...gotta build it up.
> 
> I'll also maybe not write smut, since I've never written it before, and I don't want one character to have to top or bottom because of personality or physique. I used to have this idea of one being more feminine, but that sort of felt wrong after a while, seeing that they are both characters with their own personal characteristic, and it doesn't make sense to make someone the "male" or the "female" of the relationship. I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense, but yeah. It's just me realizing feminizing a character is wrong, and I will might not write any smut because I have no experience in writing it, maybe I'll imply that they did do it, but not write too much of a detailed scene?
> 
> I don't know. I'm not opposed to writing sex scenes, but I've never down it before, and don't want to ruin the story in anyway. Let me know what you guys think. 
> 
>  
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like this chapter! I'm not he best with writing romantic scenes, but I tried. Enjoy!
> 
> See any mistake? Tell me! Criticism and suggestions for the plot are greatly appreciated!


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